Well, what a show of two halves Monday night’s second episode of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Here! proved to be. ITV might as well have rebranded it ‘The Lady C Show’ as Lady Colin Campbell happily set about chowing down on some (apparently delectable) animal privates, before a misplaced attempt at gallantry from Tony Hadley sent her into a wild spin.
Peeved as she was to have arrived without her pearls for a trial in which they would have been quite proper, Lady C gently took up her knife and fork (one must try not to let standards slip) and tucked into everything from pigs’ eyes to crocodile anus. Yes friends, it was The One With All The Eating, in which absolutely no one wants to share food.
Seemingly under the illusion that she was there to review the restaurant rather than endure the trial, Lady C set about giving her verdict. Turkey testicles were rather “delicious”. “Scrum, scrum,” to be precise. Hairy camel lips would have been OK if not for the chef’s decision to present them al dente. And don’t even get her started on the fact that her anus was served from the right-hand side. Jeeves is still sobbing.
Lady C gallantly cheered fellow eating trial companion Jorgie “I’m a big fan of the penis” Porter through the event before providing what is already set to be one of the best lines of any series. “What are bollocks?” she queried when faced with a plate of bulging turkey testicles, her delivery that of someone merely asking a passer-by for the time. The happy camper then merrily trotted back to base to alert her minions to her success.
But then came The Turn. Newly appointed camp leader Mr Hadley found himself on a sticky wicket after being called to rank his fellow campers from laziest to most helpful. Attempting to be “gallant” and respectful of I’ve-got-five-tiaras Lady C, he popped her at the bottom of the list hoping it would mean she had an easy ride following a morning spent scoffing a crocodile’s unmentionables.
Alas, 55-year-old Hadley hasn’t yet learnt that everything has consequences and, much as he left poor high-fiving Susannah hanging, he’d inadvertently hung Lady C out to dry. Oh yes, she was lumped with yet another task. This one – hold on to your pearls – was washing up with Yvette Fielding. After an afternoon of eating animal’s unmentionables? THE INJUSTICE.
“What is my rewaaaaaaard?” Lady C angrily demanded. Because, girlfriend, ain’t no one gonna make her wear Marigolds for no good reason. She turned down one of the richest men in the world, don’t you know?
The night then descended into some sort of Shakespearian tragedy as Lady C burst into a monologue about not being “induced” to participate in such “tomfoolery”. Yvette laughed, former boxing world champ Chris Eubank ducked out of the way and Hadley gave up his bed and slept on the floor in yet another slightly botched attempt at doing the right thing.
Then, continuing the pantomime spirit, the episode ended with Lady C being alerted to the fact that the public had once again voted her to do the next Bush Tucker Trial, ‘Panic Pit’.
“I predicted this would happen. Roped in to be sport for the oiks,” she growled – as we oiks prepared to vote her in to the next one, too…
I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! continues Thursday at 9:00pm on ITV