Attention non-Doctor Who fans: leave. Why did you click the link? This one’s strictly for the ultimate Doctor Who fans, the who’s who of Whovians.
Right, now that it’s just us true nerds, we all know there’s only one rivalry that matters on Doctor Who. Forget Daleks vs Cybermen, it’s all about Moffat vs Capaldi: who is the bigger fan?
One used to write letters to Radio Times and campaigned to be president of the fan club. The other is Steven frickin’ Moffat. Yet when asked at the Edinburgh International Television Festival who knew the show more, Moffat was quick to claim the title.
“Let it be understood that in a face-off, in a head to head,” he explained, “he’s nowhere bloody close. I’m ahead on knowledge, I am.”
How intense does the competition get? Pretty intense.
“You know that conversation about Mondassian Cybermen?”
(For non-true fans who are still reading this for some reason, this is Capaldi’s repeated calls for the cloth-faced original Cybermen to return.)
“I keep shouting at him ‘the ones with the metal faces WERE ALSO FROM MONDAS! So you now know what an artistic conversation between the showrunner and actors sounds like.”
Moffat puts his superior knowledge down to Capaldi’s regrettable decision to grow up and become cool.
“He at a certain point thought it would be great to go have some kind of life, dash around Glasgow being handsome and dating women,” Moffat explained. “I thought ‘pfft! Hell with that.”
“I’m gonna collect Doctor Who trading cards, and not make eye contact with anybody. And I was right, because I outrank him.”
A lesson for us all.