Six brilliantly frank Birds of a Feather quotes

Sharon, Dorien and Tracey are heading back for a twelfth series, which means we're in for plenty more of these gems...

The birds are getting a twelfth series, with ITV confirming Linda Robson, Pauline Quirke and Lesley Joseph will get back to filming later this year. 


Breathing new life into the series seems to have hit the right note with viewers. More than 9.5 million tuned in when it returned in 2014, fifteen years on from the original series.

Original writers Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran are on board and they’re promising more “feisty fun” from Essex ladies Sharon, Tracey and Dorien. So, in celebration of the frank remarks that continue to entertain the show’s loyal fan base, here are some of the ladies’ best one-liners… 

On married life

Tracey: “Stick a pin in the phone book Dorien and it’s odds on it’ll land on someone you’ve had an affair with!”

On romance

Sharon: “‘Ere Dor – I love that story about you waking up after that wild and passionate night to find the bloke had written two out of ten on your bum!”

On making friends

Dorien: “Tracey, now you know I’m not a snob. I can get along with all kinds of people, I don’t care which golf club they belong to.”

On choosing snacks

Dorien: “Oh, are those cakes from your bakers?”

Sharon: “Certainly not! I wouldn’t eat anything that pervert made – I know what he uses to poke the holes in the doughnuts.”

On communication

Dorien: “Look, I know I’ve got a mouth on me.”

Tracey: “Like a whale.”

Sharon: “Sperm whale.”

On getting your way…

Tracey: “All you have to do is flash your plastic and Marcus picks up the tab.”

Dorien: “These are not plastic!”


Tracey: “I meant your credit card, not your thrupenny bits!”