Orgasms, Madonna and monogamy: First Dates episode two is even more bonkers than the first

In the new episode of Channel 4's dating show, hopeless romantic Tim is back to woo a woman with his When Harry Met Sally performance...

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There are some wonderfully odd moments in tonight’s second episode of First Dates – Channel 4’s fixed rig dating show. 

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Tim, the chirpiest, most optimistic man that ever lived, is back in the restaurant after failing to find romance on last week’s show.  Fred the French maître d’ tells him to “relax” and the staff watch him go forth like a proud and nervous mum at the school gates.

Now, I too want only the best for Tim but when he starts acting out a certain orgasm-diner scene in front of his new date (badly, I might add), I want to reach through the TV and muzzle him with the bread they’ve ordered.

From Tim the experienced dater to Jayden the wannabe player, things take an entertaining turn. Jayden doesn’t believe in love at first sight because the girl could be “fit but then you go out with her and she’s psycho. Which is quite common.” 

Charming, eh?

Some of the best lines from this episode come from Helen, 29, who puts on hammy foreign accents to attract men and fills awkward pauses with an anecdote about witnessing an armed robbery. She brings the newspaper cuttings along to really illustrate the scene.

“My dad thinks that I go for idiots,” she tells us. “My mum thinks I’m too aggressive, my boss likened me to Tina McIntyre from Coronation Street when she was sleeping with Peter Barlow. But I’ve never slept with a married man!”

Oh, and the  strangest Helen moment of all? When she recounts her childhood experience of appearing in Radio Times with her ferret. “It must have been a quiet week” responds her date desperately thinking of what to say next…

There’s more hilarity from 47-year old Ellis who wants a manly man and confides in his date that he feels like “a bad gay” because he hasn’t seen Queer as Folk, he doesn’t like Madonna and he isn’t au fait with Frozen. 

What First Dates does particularly well this week is give us an insight into lives more unusual than our own. Sarah, who was born deaf, isn’t just after chemistry – she’s also seeking a man who’s easy to lip read. Protruding teeth and thin lips are a nightmare for her, but luckily her date, 47 year-old estate agent John, has neither.

As these new relationships form, we get glimpses of Fred the maître d’  subtly boosting daters’ egos  and humming – in very sophisticated French fashion – Nelly’s smooth RnB track It’s Getting Hot In Here (So Take Off All Your Clothes).

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But the big question is, do any of these couples actually want to see each other again? Let’s just say that Tim’s When Harry Met Sally re-enactment goes down better with his date than it did with me…

Episode 2 of First Dates airs on Wednesday 11 March at 10pm on Channel 4