The best celebrity Twitter poems

Thanks to a new program, Ricky Gervais, Karen Gillan and Tom Hiddleston are poets... but they don't know it

imagenotavailable1

In the desolate future that’s just around the corner, machines will produce all of our art. They already help our pop stars hit the high notes, 3D print statues that would make Rodin weep and now, it seems, they’re writing poetry. It’s probably what Shakespeare would have wanted…

Advertisement

A real-life versificator, Poetweet takes your Twitter feed, runs it through an algorithm and spits out some surprisingly passable sonnets, rondels and indrisos (a lesser known version of a sonnet). For instance, here’s the RadioTimes.com rondel, appropriately titled ‘TV Tonight’.


TV tonight
by Radio Times

(and nearly being permatanned)
Gathering at filming locations
There’s PLENTY still to be learned
Face on them. Questions?

Eccleston to appear on tonight’s
We know about Mission: Impossible 5
To win best actor at last night’s
Scores Number One chart double!

From this year’s contestants
Villain? We weigh up the evidence.
Please, spare us the dodgy accents
But returns to complete performance
The backstage fun behind the stunts

Beautiful. Anyway, here are some celebrities who are poets without knowing it.



Flood thing

by Ricky Gervais

And cats. Some cats.
Heartbreaking and pointless.
I love our little chats
A kind and wise character I guess.

Soldiers bring home a furry friend
Twat and targeted victimisation.
Join in till right at the end.
Euphoria mixed with desperation.

On Vine. 4. Sophie’s Choice
Before Derek airs on channel 4) Use
Ever review I got for The Office
Xmas Special at 10pm on -Use 🙂 Nice

Strong start, interesting development of the cat/war themes, loses it a bit at the end. Incidentally, do Office and nice rhyme? And what rhymes with smiley face?


Is happening
by Karen Gillan

Hahaha
An enemy in Kevin’s bedroom?
Hahahaha
Get a room

Recently! It’s time I graduated!
Is making me cry with laughter
Sooooo excited!!!!
Down time like on the Dark Aster?

Send me your best costumes!!!
To take on another accent!
Is one of my favourite pastimes

Me! Turn on ABC, starts in 5 mins!
Her ‘Memoirs of a bunny Boiler’!
Adventure hour party begins.

Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Glorious purpose
by Tom Hiddleston 

Of those who don’t have a choice.
16 pence. Counting my blessings.
Very nice!
To stave off night-time rumblings.

Perpetual state of waking fear…
Back life-saving interventions”
Sing, and beam from ear to ear.
My Feet”, by Mumford & Sons.

Beijing. I am a lucky old sausage.
Should feel free to be strong”.
C’est un fromage!

Night for Team Curious!
O’Hara’s “Stephen” from Braveheart.
That. Is. Hilarious.

Rhyming ‘sausage’ and ‘fromage’? Genius.


With poems
by Stephen Fry

Present with a award. So deserved.
Announce prestigious new Patrons:
Then the Cottage would be saved.

Winner of a truly memorable match
Gaming console? Genuinely curious.
Birth certificates helps: Watch

Than Their Shitty Movies ” Ouch!

As though Boris is on our side!

Stephen Fry has actually written a book about writing poems. Does he know there’s a program that will do that for him?


Really serious

by Kim Kardashian West

Harder to lose after baby though!!
Been researching all morning.
My baby is 1 years old! UGH
Ice skating was my thing

For the New Year! New 2015 vision
Was so good to see you & catch…
The Elizabeth Taylor a Foundation
Tom Ford chain heels that match…

& I’m into it if you can’t tell
My second cover!
& renovating them to re-sell.
Creepiest photo bomb ever
Normant, MakeUp by Jeanine Lobell

Babies and designer labels. Kim KW. A life in verse. 


There

by William Shakespeare

There be some sports are painful
Imitate the action of the tiger
Pitiful, ’twas wondrous pitiful
You are a fishmonger

When Ye should do service.
My teeming date drunk up with time?
Desire you do me right and justice
But say, sir, is it dinner-time?

Than never, for never too late.
Is some satire, keen and critical
Reckon’d it At her life’s rate.

A parson’s nose as a’ lies asleep
See how easily she may be surprised
See ladies, study, fast, not sleep!

Advertisement


And just for fun, here’s the Bard rebarded. Welcome to the 21st century William. It’s horrible here.