May began with April’s fallout. After Jeremy Paxman’s announcement that he would leave Newsnight, we ran through the frontrunners. Can you guess who’s missing?
Celebrity publicist Max Clifford was convicted for eight indecent assaults and sentenced to eight years in prison. The judge said he had shown a “contemptuous attitude” during the trial.
Jeremy Clarkson continued his annus horriblis when an outtake from Top Gear appeared to show him mumbling the N-word during a nursery rhyme. He later “begged forgiveness” for unsuccessfully not saying it. In unrelated news, a BBC radio DJ felt “compelled” to quit after accidentally playing a 1932 recording of The Sun Has Got His Hat On which featuring the same racial slur.
Matt Smith had a good month (although most months are pretty great when you’re Matt Smith) getting cast in both the Terminator Reboot with Emilia Clarke and Ryan Gosling’s baffling vanity project. Plus, a man on the Internet pulled off the best ever Matt Smith impression. We celebrated by staring at Matt’s muscles for an hour. LOOK AT HIS MUSCLES. LOOK AT HIS MUSCLES. LOOK AT HIS MUSCLES…
Nananananananana…new Batman! The first picture of Ben Affleck as Batman in the upcoming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was released. The internet thought he looked a bit…down in the dumps.
What else, what else…
Oh, Brad Pitt was hit in the face. Bill Murray was the best ever best man, gatecrashing a bachelor party. Benedict Cumberbatch attended the Chelsea Flower Show. And a cat played Jenga.
But what of Danny Dyer? Danny Dyer thought he could play Sherlock just as well as Benedict Cumberbatch. And sharks might fly.
In shark-weather news, Sharknado 3 was confirmed.
And finally, the question you were all asking: what if celebrity Twitter followers were the size of countries? You’re welcome.