The best TV dad quotes for Father’s Day

Buy your dad a card. Go on. Celebrate that he’s not one of these guys…

Homer Simpsons (The Simpsons) 


Homer to Marge: “If you’ll excuse us, this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father.

To Bart: “Son, a woman is a lot like, urm, a refrigerator, about 6ft tall, 300 pounds, they make ice… er, wait a minute. A women is more like beer. They smell good, they look good and you’d step over your own mother just to get one!”

Tim Taylor (Home Improvement) 

Tim: “I like to create, Wilson. Everything I do, I wanna make bigger and better.”

Wilson: “Well Tim, this obsessive desire to create partly happens because men feel inferior to women. It’s because we can’t bear children.”

Tim: “Ah, I don’t mind the boys that much.”

Phil Dunphy (Modern Family)

“I’m a cool dad, that’s my thang. I’m hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: Oh my god, WTF: Why the face…”

Peter Griffin (Family Guy) 

Peter: “Kids, your mother and I have decided that we are gonna help you two get out into the dating world. And Meg, when I get through with you, you’re gonna be beating guys off with both hands!”

Meg: “This is gonna be so fun!”

Peter: “Hey! Zip it! Rule number one: No speaky until the man speaky to you.”

Jack Geller (Friends)

Jack to Monica: “Don’t listen to your mother. You’re independent and you always have been. Even when you were a kid, and you were chubby and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you’d read alone in your room and do your puzzles…”

Al Bundy (Married… with Children) 

Salesman, showing Al and Peggy a car: “A 1994 Dodge Viper.”

Al: “Oh Peg, I’m so happy I… I could shake your hand.”

Peggy: “Al, it only has two seats. What about the kids?”

Al: “It’s got a trunk.”

Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show) 

Cliff: “I love you, son.”

Theo: “Yeah, Dad, I know.”

Cliff: “Yeah, and maybe your mother loves you, too.”

Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)

Hal: “Think they got a beer guy around here?”

Lois: “This is a charity event at an elementary school.”

Hal: “Hmmm, so I guess I gotta go to a stand?”

Martin Crane (Frasier)

Martin: “Thanks Frasier. You know, I guess I don’t say it often enough but you’re a good kid.”

Frasier: “Well, thanks Dad. You know, there’s something I don’t say often enough…”

Martin: “There’s nothing you don’t say often enough.”

Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)

Michael: [about George Michael’s test score] “A-minus?”

George Michael: “Are you proud of me?”


Michael: “Very proud… minus.”