We asked you tell us what you thought of last night’s opening episode of The Apprentice, and boy did you deliver.
You were writing machines, born reviewers – you weren’t just good, you were the best. But sadly not all of your musings made it out of the boardroom. Here’s the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the… more cliches, anyone?
Let’s just get on with it…
Kristie Smith, 19, North Shields, says…
If you expect the ninth series of The Apprentice to break tradition and legitimately look for Lord Sugar’s next business partner then you’re probably as delusional as this year’s contestants. Less than a minute in and we are all well aware that the show runners have not lost their touch for sourcing lunatics and capturing TV gold. ‘I’m part machine’ states one woman, while another claims that she is ‘prepared to fight to the death to become Lord Sugar’s business partner’. For a moment I was giddy with the thought that the BBC had combined The Apprentice with Gladiators or The Hunger Games in a desperate attempt to boost ratings but the task was a little more ‘sell tat’ than ‘kill that’ (I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the final).
The Apprentice is quintessential feel-good TV in the sense that you watch it and then feel good about yourself in comparison.
Roger Trenwith, 53, Northampton, says…
The first task, and the boys’ team leader is Jason, who has an intelligence “like a machete in the jungle”, a rare LOL moment. The too eager Jaz who might explode at any moment like an over-excited bottle of Bolly leads the girls.
After the usual bristling of egos and bereft leadership from both sides it’s time for The Boardroom, a place as fake as Uzma’s tan. The girls have called themselves “Salon”, the guys “Spanner”…if only. No, it was the more prosaic feminine “Evolve” and masculine “Endeavour”.
Selling less tat than the guys, the girls lose, and Lord Sugar fires Jaz…boo, hiss…so one good character among the ciphers, and one good reason to watch again is already gone.
On this showing I doubt I’ll watch all of it, and it’s time this tired old series is given its golden carriage clock if you ask me.
Rachel Brown, 29, St Ives, says…
It’s back. The world’s most unrealistic interview returns to our screens. The egos and eyebrows are bigger than ever and they’re giving 110%. Maths is not their strong point.
Sir Allan is still an east end boy who built an empire, and he’s sick of the clichés. But he’s yelling that ‘actions speak louder than words’, and ‘all bets are off’, so I think he’s got a few in him yet.
One candidate thinks he’s Napoleon, another thinks she’s half machine. Our Greek scholar believes his effortless superiority will take him all the way. He’s got to sell cat litter and loo rolls – what’s bog in ancient Greek?
The clichés come thick and fast: but the only thing they’re flogging is a dead horse.
The contestants are ready to ‘fight to the death’. Probably with their sharp tongues and razor wit. No wonder it’s on after the watershed.
Ben Train, 22, Burntwood, says…
In an Apprentice first, Episode 1 contained a hint of a possibility of a slither of self-doubt, when project manager Jason said that “we are not always going to win“. But other than that, it was 59 minutes and 58 seconds of self-assured shouting from the usual mix of highly educated morons and bog standard morons.
The task was simple – to sell imported items. But in typical Apprentice style, things went badly, quickly. There were huge egos, scrambled metaphors, terrible mistakes, too few chairs in the boardroom – just business as usual in the Apprentice universe. The most noticeable absence (other than the ends of Alex’s eyebrows) was the famous intro music.
If you’re expecting anything new or different, you won’t find it here. Yet I will keep watching, even if it is just to find out if Tim Stillwell can actually stand still, or if Zeeshaan will ever get a high five.
Joe Bonnar, 36, Greenock, says…
Finally it was back. The familiar music, the outlandish boasts, the big hair and big make up and…..WAIT. I checked the channel, it’s not TOWIE, it’s The Apprentice. But don’t worry, they all said, behind the looks, the makeup, the hair (what great hair they all had, even the guys), they were hardened business people. These might be the cream of the business world, but how many of them would be here if they looked like old Lord Sugar himself?
Rest assured though, that behind all the looks there was still the lack of self awareness, the stupid decisions, and the duh moments. You still cringe and hide behind the cushion. It’s the same formula that’s been around for the last 8 series but it still works, and based on last nights opening, it will keep us all enthralled for the next few months.
A big thank you to everyone who sent in a review – we really enjoyed reading them! If you’ve got a taste for sharing your opinion, or these clever Radio Times readers have inspired you to put pen to paper (or, more accurately, fingertips to keyboard) keep your eyes peeled for the next Radio Times Reader Review….