Well, I’ve only just stopped crying but already it’s time to face a new X Factor without people’s champion Ella Henderson.
The five undeserving charlatans who have taken her rightful place on the stage – Jahmene Douglas (boo!), James Arthur (hiss!), Union J (get off!), Christopher Maloney (how dare you?) and Rylan Clark (no words, just a dignified, contemptuous silence) – are about to sing, whether you like it or not. We might as well make the best of it by typing observations into a virtual box, together.
This live blog is, in the words of Jahmene Douglas, “OOOOOOOO-OH-OH-OH-AAAAAAH-OOOVER!” Never mind. Here’s the as-it-happened version instead.