6.15 Good evening! I’m Jack Seale, and despite my comments on last week’s Graham Norton Show I am in fact very pleased to be your liveblog host for tonight’s edition of The Voice UK. Welcome! Think of me as a stranger who has broken into your house and sits on the end of your sofa, simply refusing to shut up as you try to enjoy a bit of telly. Any chance of some nibbles? I like those wasabi nuts, but I’ll accept Marmite Mini Cheddars.
6:27 Prediction time: it looks to me like one team’s all sewn up and the other’s wide open. For Jessie J’s lot, surely Cassius and Toni, who aren’t very good, won’t survive against Vince and Becky, who are.
6:29 But in Team Danny, anyone could go. Max Milner was an early favourite, but was in the bottom two last time. Aleks Josh isn’t fancied by the bookies at all, but was the best out of everyone on the show two weeks ago, I thought. Bo Bruce should get through, but hasn’t really tested that contrived Dolores honk – The X Factor has had two contestants who sang in the same folky-Irish twang regardless of the song, and they both faltered before the end. Then there’s David Julien, who can sing in a high voice and, judging by his song choice, will be doing so again tonight. Is singing in a high voice enough? Max and David to go, I reckon. Whaddaya say?
6:31 For the first time in TV history, there’s something exciting about My Family: seeing the closing credits now means The Voice is nearly on! Oh LORDY I’m excited.
6:34 We’re off! Danny is into his stupid stride straight away, calling the show “the King Kong of sing-songs” before the titles have even rolled. This augurs well.
6:36 Coaches style watch time. Danny: waiter at a Greek wedding. Tom: light grey checked jacket gleaned during a raid on Richard Whiteley’s wardrobe. Jessie: (real) hair in bunches and a black-and-white vest – she’s going clubbing in Gateshead after this. Will: I’m not sure what that is he’s got on. I think it has spikes.
6:38 Team Jessie’s team-building exercise: ten pin bowling! Cassius spoils it by taking it seriously. Vince impresses, but he is using one of those ramps and the inflatable gutter-fillers. Bless.
6:40 Group performance and OH DEAR. Jessie J can’t hear herself in the monitors so she just stops, saying “THIS IS LIVE TV” twelve times while a roadie fiddles desperately with her backside. Holly fills awkwardly and now they’re actually singing the song.
6:40 STOP! THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH BECKY’S HAIR! Sorry, this is live TV, these things happen, but can we start again?
6:42 Comment From Guest Toni has a great voice but she’s studied from the Tina Turner book of silly singing faces
6:43 Very shouty version of We Are Young by Fun, with Jessie J shoutier than anyone and hyping up her acts by shouting their name SHOUTILY. Overall: too shouty. Now, MAX MILNER.
6:43 Comment From Alice new drinking game buzz phrase – “live TV”……. Still strictly orange juice 🙂
6:45 Max is doing Black Horse and the Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall, using a loop pedal – a brilliant technical innovation that has never been seen before on live television, apart from when KT Tunstall used it to sing Black Horse and the Cherry Tree.
6:46 What this means is that Max is acting as his own backing singer. Ah, well he was. They’ve switched it off now and he’s stopped playing the guitar too.
6:46 RAP! He’s doing a RAP! It ended with him exhorting us to “try my loo paper”. I think. Possibly I need to turn up the volume on my telly.
6:49 Oh and there’s the perils of directing live television. Holly says, “I think you might have just flashed my knickers to the nation!” but he didn’t: we don’t know what Max did to make this a possibility. We were looking at the crowd or the test card or something. I tried rewinding it, believe me. Tragic.
6:49 Will says that was a terrible song and Jessie agrees, although she says Max should have “spun” it more. He added a rap! What does she want, a tuba solo?
6:52 Pretty bad comments for Max all round there, and he went first so I think my prediction could come true. Bottom two time again for Max.
6:54 Now it’s the doomed CASSIUS HENRY. A crass Cassius Clay comparison from Jessie in the intro montage (cut to a shot of Cassius with a skipping rope – oh dear) and Cassius is on.
6:55 Turning Tables, Adele’s song about tidying up properly after a waitressing shift. Cassius lost to the difficult notes halfway through on a technical knockout.
6:56 “You came out fighting!” says Holly. Oh yes. Cassius came out and sang quite a quiet song next to a grand piano. GRRRRR. Positive comments from Jessie, mainly for Cassius not falling over on the revolving stage they put him on. Vote Cassius! His balance is exemplary!
6:59 Danny drops the KP NUTS on Cassius. “Kinda pitchy,” he says, for the first but not, with Toni still to come, perhaps the last time this evening. Cassius takes refuge in Holly’s armpit. How tall IS he?
7:00 Now, BO BRUCE, who covered Kate Bush last week and was congratulated on her version of Running Up That Hill by… Kate Bush! Er, OK, that is quite impressive. I can’t think of anything sarcastic to say.
7:00 Comment From Bolivia Is Holly a giant or is Cassius diddy?
7:00 Comment From MicsDad Has Cassius shrunk or has Holly got VERY high heels?
7:02 The Holly/Cassius height thing isn’t new, guys. Remember last time he was on? His head and her cleavage looked like three bald blokes, one of whom is outside the tent they’re all staying in.
7:03 Bo does Love The Way You Lie by Rihanna, a song ruthlessly chosen to showcase her hiccuping, Janet Devlin Irish falsetto. I could happily never, ever listen to anyone singing in that style again, but if you don’t mind it, that was admittedly good. Safe.
7:05 “The way you sing is the kind of thing I like,” says Will. “I love The Cranberries…” I was on tenterhooks waiting for him to namecheck Diana Vickers as well, but he didn’t. Do your research, Mr Am!
7:07 Everyone loved Bo as usual. Now it’s VINCE KIDD! I like him a lot. As do British manufacturers of bleached-out jeans and berets, for whom business has suddenly perked up.
7:08 Vince is going to do what I humbly submit is Whitney Houston’s best single by far, My Love Is Your Love.
7:08 Comment From Cat Tonight’s version of Bo does The Cranberries doing…. Average at best. Danny wanted her to show strength? Did that mean 25% more eye make up?!
7:11 Comment From Fiona Have to say, I do love Vince. Got the crowd going just as the song ended though.
7:11 Jessie makes it clear that Vince dressed himself tonight.
7:14 Amazing insight from Tom Jones, as he explains to the nation that women sing higher than men, and that this can make it hard for men to sing women’s songs. Wisdom. Next: Tom explains that what Aleks is holding is not in fact a metal lollipop.
7:16 Will broke new ground there by tweeting his comment as he said it. As long as he doesn’t set up a full live blog, I suppose that’s OK. If he’s got a laptop next week, I am making a formal complaint.
7:18 ALEKS JOSH! Doing what science has proved is the fourth-worst song of all time, Better Together by Jack Johnson.
7:20 Comment From Bolivia Hate this song. Wake me up when it’s over please.
7:22 Aleks, who had a hot woman playing upright bass next to him last week, is flirting less with the middle-aged man playing mouth organ now, but he’s still very much giving it the Rat Pack braces/hands in pockets treatment. It’s wearing a bit thin – as Will points out, although he seems to think he’s seen Aleks do it five times, which he hasn’t unless they’ve forgotten to televise two whole shows. Anyway, I reckon Aleks is sailing through, dull as that was.
7:22 Comment From Roma No, Danny, my heart didn’t break but I think he broke my hearing aids
7:26 Aleks actually got a right panning off the judges there, the biggest of the series so far I think. A sympathy vote will probably follow, unless he’s blown it by looking absolutely furious, which he did. Sinatra never did that. OK, so Sinatra allegedly had people to get angry on his behalf. Not the best comparison. You know what I mean. Time for BECKY HILL!
7:27 Becky does a bizarre rock version of the Marcus Collins soul classic, Seven Nation Army.
7:29 Becky visits the judges and interacts with them, live! Wow, that’s brave. Suddenly giving Tom the mic and demanding he ad lib is beyond brave. Incidentally Will was beating his hand way out of time, but they have machines to fix that in the studio when he’s producing.
7:30 Holly apologises for Becky swearing! I missed that completely. What did she say?
7:30 Comment From Fiona Did something go slightly wrong at the end of that?
7:31 Yes Fi, I was about to say that what Holly should have been apologising for, perhaps, was Becky missing her final cue by about eight bars, carrying on for ages a cappella well after the house band had stopped playing and cracked open a beer.
7:31 Comment From Philippa Is Becky drunk or something? What the hell? :O
7:31 Comment From Pippa You could see her lips saying a silent F-word near the start.
7:32 Tom Jones Explains, part two: Janis Joplin was “a singer in the 60s”.
7:35 Now, DAVID JULIEN! He’s singing She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5, a song that was considered for the soundtrack of Dawson’s Creek but then rejected for being “too bloody soppy”. David goes for that Ryan O’Shaughnessy dollar by revealing that he liked a girl once and will be thinking about this.
7:36 Comment From Gingernut She mucked up the beginning, swore, mucked up the end, and the middle wasn’t great. Bye Becky
7:37 Disaster! David’s big high note in the chorus is totally inaudible. He’s trying to add extra ones to the verses to make up for it, but I dunno. Without his big high notes in the chorus, he just isn’t David Julien.
7:39 Holly and Danny both go for exactly the same “She’ll have changed her mind now!” thing that didn’t work at all for Ryan O’Shaughnessy. Don’t they watch Britain’s Got Talent? Ah, hang on.
7:40 TWO people on Twitter thought I really thought Seven Nation Army was originally by Marcus Collins. I am coming round to Jonathan Agnew’s point of view.
7:41 OK so this is interesting. TONI WARNE, who I thought was a total cert to go tonight, is in the pimp slot, closing the show. Big advantage.
7:42 Toni is singing the Blue classic, Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.
7:43 I wonder why Toni wears a headscarf at all times apart from when she’s on stage. I’m not saying she should or shouldn’t. I merely observe.
7:44 It’s another tasteful grand piano job, but Toni isn’t revolving. She is, however, overcooking this pretty horribly. Big breaths, wibbly extras and sudden loud bits everywhere. A shame, because when she isn’t doing that she’s sounding great.
7:45 Comment From Bolivia I’m still in shock about Toni chasing after her kids in those T-bar sandals!
7:45 Comment From Fiona Toni can’t do quiet songs. The urge to shout is too strong….
7:47 Extremely positive comments for Toni. Big pimpin’. I wonder if Becky is in danger.
7:49 Time for Team Danny and their group perf. In rehearsal, Danny introduces everyone to The Script, then takes them go-karting. Worst stag do ever.
7:49 Comment From Beth Who let Becky go out with that hair?
7:50 Bo didn’t seem to be doing any go-karting. Balked at the lack of a chauffeur, possibly.
7:53 The team covers Gotye. Danny dressed as a cross between the Artful Dodger and Malcolm McDowell in a Clockwork Orange. Bo and David falsettoing hard into each other’s faces. Very entertaining. “Our artists becoming art!” says Holly, bafflingly.
7:54 Oh, I think she meant the backdrop. Sorry, I was explaining to people on Twitter that I have heard of the White Stripes. Back with you now.
7:54 Comment From Fiona David Julien’s actually got a better voice than Danny!
7:54 Comment From Bolivia Is it wrong that I loved that? Erm, were they all better than Danny?
7:54 You guys are, of course, right: David totally blasted Danny off the stage there. Danny tried to do a big high note on the chorus. This is what David does. Danny made a terrible mistake.
7:55 Comment From Katherine Btw, David should totally be in Les Mis.
7:57 We’ve had the recap, and Reg has been released from his cupboard: it must be the end of the show. I’m saying Cassius (definitely) and Becky (surprisingly) are going from Jessie’s team. On Team Danny, I think Max is in big trubbs and then it’s very close between the other three. I shall plump for David to go.
7:57 Comment From Pippa Was starting with Warhol-style prints a way of suggesting that 15 minutes are up?
7:57 Comment From Fiona I agree with Katherine, David would so make a great Marius in Les Mis.
7:57 Comment From Guest Is there any point in Reggie Yeates supposedly “presenting” this programme?
7:58 Comment From Beth David & Bo were, in my opinion, the best in that group! Strange how a group performance can change your preference, was leaning towards Aleks before…
7:58 Comment From Izzie Max, David, Cassius and Vince to go through!
7:59 Comment From Gingernut No, David to stay I hope.
7:59 It’s finished! Dale Winton looms, like a possessed waxwork. Good night! Thanks so much for your comments, they were superb as always. Byeee.