EastEnders is the cleanest soap – of a very dirty bunch

A new scientific study suggests that, despite the name, no-one ever cleans in British soaps...

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Even if odds on favourite EastEnders is not named the best serial drama at tonight’s National Television Awards, producers can leave with their heads held high, safe in the knowledge that it is the cleanest soap on British TV.

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According to a new poll carried out by mop moguls Vileda, the residents of Albert Square spend more time cleaning their homes than their opposite numbers in Weatherfield or Emmerdale.

Of the two thousand people who responded to the survey, roughly 41.39 per cent said the last soap character they had seen doing any cleaning had been in EastEnders, with only 35.14 per cent in Coronation Street and a grubby 23.46 per cent in Emmerdale.

Then again, none of the three soaps exactly came out smelling of rose-scented cleaning fluid. More than half of those surveyed said they couldn’t remember the last time they’d seen anyone clean in any of the soaps and cleaning experts at Vileda, who studied the three soaps forensically over a two-week period, said they had not spotted one instance of household cleaning anywhere. 

“The soaps are supposed to reflect what is going on in the real world to some extent, but it’s hard to believe that no one in Coronation Street, Albert Square or Home Farm picked up a mop or a scourer in all that time,” said Vileda’s Lindsey Taylor.

“However, none of them even lifted a finger around their homes in a 14-day period, preferring to spend time in the pub.”

Speaking of which, there was no sign of cleaning (other than maybe the occasional bar top being wiped down with a dirty beer cloth) in any of the local pubs. Gone are the days when Jack Duckworth would head off to the toilets of the Rovers Return with his mop and bucket. The Queen Vic needs Little Mo back with her duster. And the Woolpack’s Chastity Dingle would no doubt be scared of breaking a nail.

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So, come on soaps – what kind of an example are you setting to your millions of viewers? It’s time to live up to your name, and clean your acts up once and for all.