First, there was Fenton. He’s still being namedropped a fortnight down the line by those who were too late in on the joke, but now we have a natural successor: a trampoline, uprooted by the massive wind (“Hurricane Bawbag”) that hit Scotland this week.
Released from its previous miserable existence of having kids bounce on its face all day, off the trampoline (“Trampoline!”) goes, cartwheeling gaily down the pavement, ready to kill a pedestrian at any second. As the film’s director pithily comments: “Oh my god. Trampoline! Trampoline!” Bet you’ve heard that in the office already this week. Six times.
2. Shouting order, order, order
Could anything ever be more horribly, spleen-scrapingly embarrassing than This Week’s 2005 version of Is This the Way to Amarillo? Nobody thought so, but the end of last night’s show was mighty close. Reacting to the news that Born Slippy hitmakers Underworld will oversee the music at the London 2012 opening ceremony, host Andrew Neil – who’s always an unstable presenter, and gets more difficult to predict as midnight passes – leads the studio guests in an impromptu rave. Prepare for your eyes and ears to leave your body in protest as Jacqui Smith and Michael Portillo flail their limbs like marionettes with their strings caught in a fan – but it’s guest Andi Osho we feel sorry for. She joins in a bit, but is clearly wishing hard for death.
3. Dog and cat in a tree, B-A-R-K-I-N-G
It’s a peeved pooch stuck in a tree! Hear him bark! And nobody will help the poor mutt. Certainly not the kitty who’s casually sitting there inches out of reach, taking the moral as well as the literal high ground, looking at our beleaguered beagle as if to say: “How could you not be having a good time up here? It’s entirely your own fault you’re stuck, you know. Shouldn’t have chased me. That’ll teach you.”
4. We wish you a corporate Christmas
“Littlewoods are helping a bunch of mothers to buy some love/Mummy they’ve got payment schemes/So don’t you dare destroy my dreams…” One of the worst things about Christmas is of course, the torrent of emetic adverts for shops, with their despicable happy families, grating acoustic landfill-indie music and scarves worn indoors. The antidote: a classic Adam Buxton singalong mash-up of the worst offenders this year, serenaded by Buxton with his normal mix of cleverness and stupidity.
5. Wonderful David’s world
Now this is just lovely: the BBC’s majestic natural history films, in a montage soundtracked by the gentle croon of David Attenborough speaking the lyrics to Louis Armstrong’s What A Wonderful World. There’s a delightful moment 22 seconds in when you think Attenborough’s going to let loose and sing the whole thing, but he (sadly) catches himself just in time to let the gorgeous creatures steal the show.