KITTY: SHRINK, FAKE, LEGS Kitty has refused to shift from the spotlight this week. It’s been reported that she’s regularly calling a therapist to help her cope. It’s also been reported that she constantly phones her mentor Louis Walsh – while we considered the horrifying notion that these are the same phone calls, and Louis has set himself up as a psychoanalyst on the side, Kitty slammed the other contestants. She told the Daily Star: “There are people in here who are fake, but I’m not.”
So she’s like that 24/7 – the mind boggles, as did the eyes when Kitty was snapped riding around Soho in a rickshaw with Johnny Robinson, wearing a bum-flashing leotard and fishnets. (Kitty, not Johnny.) Best coverage of Kitty and her unexpurgated legs was in Metro, who put Kitty alongside a shot of Keira Knightley in a sleek Roksanda Ilincic dress and asked who was hot and who was not. Kitty, they said, was not.
SIMON COWELL: THE NEW LOUIS WALSH? This week it emerged that the X Factor bosses aren’t quite the canny operators they’re painted as: over the summer, they were outwitted by Louis Walsh. According to a “source” who spoke to The Sun, when the decision to change the panel was made it was supposed to be the whole panel… until The X Factor remembered it had just given Louis a new contract, which he’d hurriedly signed. Oops. According to the tab, it’s a one-year deal and Louis will be out next year. His replacement? Simon Cowell, if you believe the story – but if you believe the Daily Mail, Cowell sent Walsh a “supportive text” quashing the rumours. We’d advise Louis to keep that message and hope it’s somehow legally binding.
FRANKIE: I AM RUBBISH Why was Frankie in the bottom two the other week? Do people dislike his binge-drinking, fan-squiring antics? Have the audience never recovered from being blinded by his milky-white, tattooed buttocks? Is it simply his hair? Or is it that he can’t sing? Frankie himself seems to favour the last of these theories. “I know I’m the weakest singer in the competition,” he tweeted. Don’t do yourself down, Frankie! What about the bloke on the left from The Risk?
KEEP OFF TULISA, URGE BRITAIN’S WIVES The best X Factor story of the week, by far: in a heroically brilliant survey by MSN, it emerged that Tulisa Contostavlos was nominated by very few Brits as a celebrity they would allow their partners to sleep with. Former judge Cheryl Cole was a more popular recipient of a free pass, as was Susan Boyle. Is this a compliment to Tulisa or not? And could the stats change now Tulisa – who’s furious with her boyfriend Fazer for texting Misha B, according to The Mirror – has her own perfume, sexily named The Female Boss? Perhaps not. The scent’s own blurb boasts: “It’s not overpowering.”