Rough Cuts: Cheryl Cole destroys the worst effigy in the world

Pop singer takes out her frustrations on a thoroughly shoddy "Simon Cowell" dummy

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Bah, what a swizz!

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Rough Cuts was most excited this morning to read various reports that nation’s sweetheart Cheryl Cole had blown up an effigy of Simon Cowell while entertaining British troops in Afghanistan.

Peppered with quotes from the former X Factor judge about how the dummy Cowell’s trousers “could’ve done with being a lot higher”, the articles made entertaining reading and conjured up a vivid mental image of a Madame Tussauds’-calibre lookalike meeting an explosive end. Needless to say, Rough Cuts couldn’t wait to see a photo of the stunt.

Oddly though, none of the news outlets reporting/repeating the story offered readers a picture of either the dummy or the explosion. Immediately Rough Cuts smelt a rat.

So we sped over to Google, quickly tracing the story to its source, the Daily Mirror.

Irritatingly, though, the hunt was a complete waste of time.

Scrolling through the story, Rough Cuts was appalled to see a heavily-watermarked image of a cammo-sporting Cheryl standing next to what could only charitably be described as the worst Simon Cowell model imaginable.

Propped up on two stumps, clad in a discarded paratrooper’s overalls and inexplicably sporting a badly drawn moustache and blonde hair, the only clue that this…thing…was meant to be Cowell was the name “Simon” scrawled on the front of its costume.  It looked like something the photographer’s assistant had knocked it up in five minutes.

Most of the breathless Chinese whispers reports of the incident online made much of the fact that Cheryl allegedly “rocked with laughter” as the shameful effigy met its maker, failing to realise that the only laughter this naff stunt could possibly have inspired was at its shoddy workmanship.

What with the EU’s finances going in meltdown, the discovery of a new planet orbiting two suns and Big Brother on the telly, surely there’s no excuse for mouse-teasing non-stories like this?

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Pah, Rough Cuts is going back to bed…