Rough Cuts: Pippa Middleton – the Movie

After five months of demand a film about Her Royal Hotness is being "rushed" into production

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Fans of hastily made straight-to-DVD biopics, rejoice! Five months after her bottom overshadowed the royal wedding (metaphorically, you understand), Rough Cuts learns that a film about Pippa Middleton is being “rushed into production” by a company called Odyssey Videos.

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The video production outfit, which counts a glut of Windsor-based souvenir discs with titles like The Queen Mother: a Royal Century among its past achievements, has apparently been “inundated” with requests for a movie about Pippa by customers as far away as Scandinavia and Japan.

Once the Pippa movie’s been cobbled together it will be the 33rd DVD released by Odyssey directly off the back of this April’s regal nuptials – the company presumably having by now exhausted the life stories of everyone else in attendance, from Kate and Wills to the organist.

Apparently the as-yet-untitled DVD (surely “Pippa Middleton: from Rear to Eternity” if there’s any justice in the world) will be a 50-minute fusion of live action and archive footage.

“Pippa is the beautiful girl-next-door who every woman wants to be,” said Odyssey founder Adrian Munsey in a statement.

“Her natural beauty, unparalleled style and energy are desirable traits. What really clinched the spotlight for Pippa was her subtle glamour at the royal wedding. She was such a tour de force, holding her own on Kate’s wedding day and looking after those small children.”

“Subtle glamour”, eh? How very diplomatic…

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There is as yet no release date for the movie but monarchists and bottom inspectors everywhere will hopefully be placated by the fact that the film is going into production “straight away”. Phew!