Teleprompt: The Bachelor

A rugby player in a search for love on Channel 5 – tell me more...

Wait, I recognise that terracotta tan – isn’t that Gavin Henson?

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It is. Hadn’t you realised he’s one of the country’s most eligible bachelors? Charlotte Church certainly thought so.

Didn’t they marry? I seem to remember a lavish 14-page spread in OK! celebrating their engagement.

Gav did whisk the mother of his children to Cornwall by private helicopter, present her with a heart-shaped diamond ring and promise her an island wedding. But six weeks later it was all over. So the “ultimate prize” is still up for grabs…

OK, OK – I accept he’s a bachelor, but “eligible”?

I see your point: not every woman wants a father-of-two who’s had several run-ins with the police, waxes his chest and spends longer than Dale Winton on the sunbed. Still, he can dance a nifty waltz since taking part in Strictly and he’s about to thrash the All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup.

Haven’t you been reading the sports section? He’s laid up with a dislocated wrist.

Then it’s a good thing his reality TV career has taken off. In this “romantic reality series”, 25 wannabe Wags will live in a Big Brother-style house and perform all sorts of demeaning stunts in ever more desperate attempts to win The Bachelor’s affections. Expect brazen fluttering of the eyelashes, bitching and gratuitous shots of Gav’s buff torso.

Did feminism never happen?

Don’t be so old-fashioned. Besides, beneath the bronzer Gav’s a sensitive guy: he yearns for a girlfriend who’s “supportive, caring, affectionate, honest, interesting and happy”. What a shame he didn’t tell the programme-makers, who opted for “top models and ambitious career women” (the latter also happen to be drop-dead gorgeous).

It sounds, erm…

American? You’re right. There have been 15 series across the pond and only one marriage…to a runner-up. There’s also a spin-off show: The Bachelorette. Does anyone have Charlotte’s number?

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It sounds like exploitative trash – perfect for a Friday night. When’s it on?

9pm, Channel 5. Don’t forget to stock up on tissues for when it all gets too much.