Elizabeth Day: How failure changed my life
The author explores failure, resilience and the wisdom that can be found in life’s most challenging moments
Ruth Roxanne Board
- Jessica Phillips
With the success of How to Fail, do you now feel that you have to find meaning in every failure?
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There are failures that just suck, with no innate meaning, like living through a pandemic or with a terminal illness. But in my experience, most failures have taught me something in the fullness of time, even if it’s just that I was strong enough
to survive something. My self-perceived failure to have children will always cause me sadness, but alongside that I’ve found an enormous amount of resilience and solidarity.
Which How to Fail interview has most surprised you?
Kate Winslet was so down to earth and turned up with no entourage. She wolfed down a packet of sweets and was ready to have a proper conversation. Rosamund Pike was also willing to go deep, speaking about a failed engagement. I thought that was brave.
Can you think of an experience that felt like a failure at the time that you no longer consider to be one?
I grew up in Northern Ireland during the height of the Troubles. Because I’ve always spoken with an English accent, every time I opened my mouth it was clear I was an outsider, so I spoke less, and listened more, which is an incredible skill for
a writer to have. Even now, not feeling part of the cool group is what helps me do my job.
How do you respond to criticism that as a white middle-class woman, you can’t talk about failure?
I’m a gateway to someone else’s story. I’ve never said, “To understand failure, you have to be the world’s biggest failure.”No one’s asking Lauren Laverne why she doesn’t live on a desert island.
How does privilege impact one’s experience of failure?
If you’re born into privilege, chances are you see failure as an obstacle on the way to success. If you’re a marginalised person, you’ll experience fewer opportunities to fail upwards and may see failure as a verdict on your character. But no matter how privileged anyone is, while the impact of failure might be different, very often the feeling it elicits is the same.
What’s it like going from being an observer to being the person being observed?
I’m passionate about helping people feel more connected and having compassion when it comes to their flaws, so having a public platform that can do that is brilliant. It also comes with uninvited opinions, especially online. Some people will never understand what I’m trying to do – and that’s fine because they don’t need me.
What other podcast or radio show could you not live without?
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I’m an Archers addict. I’ve listened from the age of four.
Authors
Jessica Phillips
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