Could it happen? With less than a week to go until the I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! Queen or King of the jungle is coronated, could there actually be some drama in the camp? Could the never-ending summer of chuckling celebs suddenly frost over into a full-blown argument?
Absolutely not. Last night’s I’m A Celeb was like most episodes this year: one great big celeb friend-fest. It was smiles all round and everyone (including Martin Roberts) got that bit closer to becoming lifelong pals. Dare we say it, it was another heartwarming, albeit fairly uneventful, visit Down Under.
But apart from general niceties, there were a few notable headlines...
Martin Roberts took the Biscuit
There are two types of people in the world: a) those that know Jammie Dodgers are not an acceptable biscuit to dunk in a cup of tea, and b) Martin Roberts.
During a conversation about biscuits (we said it was a slow episode), Roberts confessed he thought Jammie Dodgers were dunkable biscuits. But then again Martin Roberts is just the sort of man who would let the milk and teabag touch – probably before getting talcum powder over both. He can't be trusted.
Scarlett, however, has her weather-dependent biscuit game on point: “If it’s really cold outside I’ll have a bourbon or a chocolate hobnob, something sturdy,” she revealed. “If it’s alright outside I’ll probably have a milk chocolate digestive and if it’s really sunny I’ll have a custard cream.”
You can't argue with that logic. Mainly because it doesn't make any sense.
Carol Vorderman and Sam Quek walked the planks
But not just any planks. A few planks tied between a few wicker baskets.
Yes, although we’ve seen some downright ghastly challenges this year (
Adam Thomas and his Food Factory task come to mind), last night’s Hot Sc-Air Balloon Bushtucker trial won’t be one that’s remembered in years to come (but that pun still deserves a small round of applause).
It was a task where volunteers Olympian Sam Quek and Countdown Queen Carol Vorderman had to swap the yellow and red stars suspended on a cable above a 20m high narrow platform.
And although Vorderman suffered from jelly legs syndrome and a plank broke away from the platform (a moment that apparently we needed to see in slo-mo), Quek confidently commanded the pair to 100% victory. 10 gold stars and 10 meals for the camp. Again.
And the camp’s luxurious meal for the night: crocodile feet. And apparently it’s not that bad. In fact, Adam Thomas said he would buy the chicken-flavoured croc feet from Sainsbury’s.
However, it looked less appealing after Scarlett Moffat pointed out “I’ve never cooked anything I could high-five before”.
The celebs conducted a perfect Jungle Underground Dingo Dollar Challenge
It was party time in the jungle tonight, but only if each celeb could find their golden-starred ticked in a Jungle Underground carriage. That meant a Dingo Dollar challenge including all the campmates working together, which apparently made Scarlett feel part of the "jungle Von Trapps".
The camp was split into two groups, with each having to board either the punbelievable Snakerloo and Critterdilly lines.
First up was Carol Vorderman, Martin ‘talc’ Roberts, Larry Lamb, Ola Jordan and Jordan Banjo. With Lamb naturally taking the role of patriarch, each celeb found a ticket.
And afterwards, the second lot of celebs (Adam Thomas, Wayne Bridge, Sam Quek, Joel Dommett and Scarlett Moffat) took on the same carriage, but with the snakes traded in for a medley of creepy crawlies. Again, the campmates won five out of five stars.
Where have all the useless celebs gone?!
So, what did their shenanigans in the Jungle Underground earn the group? A night in the I’m a Celeb local, The Jungle Arms, where all the campmates had one glass of wine with the apparent strength of 10 jagerbombs. Martin Roberts pulled out some shapes, Scarlett did a booty-ful impression of Carol Vorderman and Sam Quek split her trousers up the groin. TV gold.
Ola Jordan left the Jungle
And so ten became nine. Not that you’d notice, mind. Ola barely had any screen time during her stay in the jungle. In fact, her post-jungle interview with Ant and Dec is the most we heard from her all series.
So long, Ola. We barely knew ya.
I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! continues on ITV tomorrow night at 8.30pm
I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! 2016 celebrities