You know you’re addicted to Orange is the New Black when…

Do you binge watch the Netflix show and then sleep with one eye open? If so, your OITNB fandom is beyond help...

81598

You never call anyone by their first name anymore

Advertisement

Friends and colleagues may find it odd, but it’s all about surnames and nicknames now. Because call anyone Galina, Tasha or Suzanne when you can call them Red, Taystee and Crazy Eyes? 

81584

You imagine a fascinating, dramatic back story for everyone you meet

In real life you don’t get flashbacks into people’s dark, crazy past but you really wish you did. Then you’d know if you’re right about that shifty-looking new colleague you keep staring at from behind your computer.

81585

You trust no one

Vee pretends to have Taystee’s best interests at heart, but she’s really a sociopath. So while your friend says your new top looks nice, it could just be a rouse.

81586

You take your work lunch breaks with unutterable glee

You are allowed out! You’re free! Oh, that sweet concrete under your feet!

81588

Orange is your choice of colour

 Whether you’re off to a job interview, a baby shower or a wedding, chances are you’ll be in a fluorescent shade of eye-watering orange. It just works. And what do they mean, you can’t wear orange to a funeral?

81589

Your culinary skills have fallen well below par

The kitchen used to be the place for whipping up nutritionally complex meals but now it’s where you plot, scheme and hide suspicious possessions you don’t want your family to find. And you’re fiercely protective of it, too. 

81591

You can fall asleep anywhere

Sure, Piper struggled on that thin mattress and dodgy bed frame at first, but now she’s able to kip anywhere, and on anything. 

81592

You’re thinking of keeping chickens even though you don’t have a garden

81593

You do like eggs in the morning, but it’s mainly so you can chase it around the garden like Red… 


You hoard toiletries in your room in case your housemates/boyfriend/girlfriend/ mum takes them   

You used to trust your loved ones with your possessions, now you’ve learnt what people will do for a bit of shower gel.

81594

You fantasise about visiting in Litchfield. Just for a second.

Ok, so those actors aren’t real prisoners and Litchfield is a fictional setting, and prison is far from fun. But you and Morello would get on so well.

81596

You rack your brains about whether you’ve done anything criminal in the past 

Advertisement

That time you climbed over the fence in the park after-hours? Yep, Piper thought she was safe too…

81597

Advertisement