Somebody sign Manchester United manager Louis Van Gaal up for a chat show.

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The Dutchman proved himself a master of the anecdote at Man Utd's awards dinner on Monday night with a rambling monologue fuelled by charisma (and perhaps a little Dutch courage).

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Rambling, rousing, incoherent and occasionally inspirational, here are some of Van Gaal's best lines, along with our favourite reactions online.

"Hello. Hello. Hey. Pay attention to the manager."

"I am also a human being..."

"How is it possible that the fans are supporting me?"

"We had the belief... that we could end second. I remember the meeting with the players, with the captain Wayne Rooney who's saying, 'We go for the second position in the league', and I said, YESSS! WE GO FOR IT!'"

"I have said to you that you are the best fans of the world but I was tonight a little bit disappointed. And I shall say why. I have seen a lady who plays the saxophone fantastically. Give her a big applause!"

"No no no no. You have to listen. I ASK YOU TO LISTEN."

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