A buggy listing on eBay has gone viral, thanks to a frustrated father’s very particular brand of honest selling.
“I shall be glad to see it leave my premises and never return,” he writes of the Phil & Ted’s “green monster”, which is currently going for a staggering £154,000,000 thanks to 217 bids.
Yes, £154,000,000 (Someoene’s going to get bad feedback when they don’t pay up)
Not that is was cheap in the first place. “The extortionate price of this buggy will stay imprinted on my brain until the day I die,” the seller writes, we imagine the buggy cowering in the corner with a ‘what did I do?’ expression on its, erm, handles. “I have bought cars that cost less than this buggy. My dad once bought a house that cost less than this buggy.”
“This was purchased against my wishes many years ago as I never wanted any children and a buggy signified my wife’s intent to have children. We argued much and this buggy signifies everything that ended my happy carefree low-cost child-free life,” he adds with what sounds like the heavy sigh of a man who’s listened to Let It Go too many times to mention. And no, he doesn’t want to build a snowman.
Not that he’s completely forgotten he’s supposed to be highlighting the buggy’s many qualities:
“It even comes with what I lovingly refer to as the ‘Cinderella attachment’ for the second child you have but don’t love as much as the first. It means they can sit but can’t see anything, and have a ride that’s about as comfortable as a Ford Model T.”
And he’s not pulling the wool over your eyes here people. “It’s also absorbed its own weight in Ella’s Kitchen meals, and mud.”
On “the positive” none of his three children were “stupidly fat”, but he warns: “During its lifetime it’s had pretty much every bodily fluid known to science (and several that have yet to be discovered) chucked over it by my children.”
But don’t worry, “This buggy has never been used for dog sledding, racing, or buggy bumper cars…”
Although it has seen some action outside of dribble showers: “I once used it to concuss a randy Alsatian that tried getting amorous with my lab.”
“To summarise: my life is over and this green albatross needs to go round some other poor sod’s neck.”
Interested? “Spend big” he adds cheekily “it’s for a good cause…”