I love Kylie as much as the next gay man. I’ve loved her since she was a mechanic in Erinsborough. I took a photo of Kylie to the hairdresser’s once. I had quite short hair, but that didn’t stop me. How they must have laughed when I turned up with my jaw-length hair for a perm (oh yes) with a picture of Charlene from Neighbours and her elbow-length waves.
Not as much as they must have laughed when I walked out looking like someone’s grandma. I had a little cry in the stairwell of Binns department store and brushed it like merry hell when I got home. Of course, none of this is Kylie’s fault. I’m just showing you how much I like her. Enough to look like a 13-year-old nana for her.
So when I heard she was one of the new judges on The Voice UK, it made me happy. And she hasn’t disappointed. Watching the new series is a bit odd as most of the cast has changed. Tom is still there looking like your granda who’s moved to Spain. And pocket-sized Bill.i.am with his contagious grin. But the fresh blood of Kylie and Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson, as well as the new hosts – one of JLS and the Big Brother lady – has given it a nice boost. Like when you get your hair cut and all your clothes look different. And better.
The blind auditions are the show’s focal point. After that it’s all a bit X Factor. But the judges not being able to see is a stroke of genius. Not only does it give confidence to the non-uniform singers, be they bald, old, fat or just plain low on self-esteem. It also judges the bonny typical ones on their voices. We all know what the judges mean when they say, “I wish I’d turned around now” after their chair has spun and too late they’ve seen hotpants and extensions. I’m all for the underdog and this show is, too.
And I like how nice they are. Even when none of the judges has hit their button, they give good advice and the contestant walks away with dignity. The opposite of a lot of these sorts of show.
The eggy bit for me is when more than one judge has turned and they have to battle it out to win the singer for their team. I cringe as they all state their unique selling point. “But I’ve met Elvis.” “But I’m from Leeds.” “But I’m a producer.” “But I’m a girl.” “Look at my tan.” “I’m in a band.” “I wear glasses too.” “I’m 45, you know.”
I’d prefer it if the singer just ran into the crying mam’s room and asked their family to vote.