When I’m on tour, telly-watching happens at unusual times for me. After a hotel breakfast, I generally catch up on Homes Under Hammer and This Morning, while replying to emails and dozing slightly. A full belly will do that to a woman.
I try to cover three food groups at breakfast. I see that as a licence to eat rubbish for the rest of the day. Touring equals a lot of sandwiches. Then I might dabble in a Cagney and Lacey or Pointess if I’m not travelling in the afternoon.
After my show finishes, I either treat myself to some terrible phone-in-quiz cack or retire to the laptop for catch-up telly. I’m working every evening so I have to watch online all of the shows people are talking about.
The shows that are on a lot tend to fall by the wayside for a while. EastEnders, for example, is on too much for an evening worker. I can’t keep up. So I’ll clock back into Albert Square in time for whatever Christmas wedding/murder/murdery wedding they have planned.
I’ve stupidly got into I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! which is on – as I’ve discovered – every day. If I don’t watch it though, what will I have to talk to hairdressers and other chatty strangers about? It’s a really great opening gambit as, like Strictly... and The X Factor, it’s something everyone has an opinion on, whether they watch it or not. People who don’t watch Strictly... usually say that Brucie should retire. People who don’t watch The X Factor think Simon should come back, and people who don’t watch I’m a Celeb... think Ant and Dec are the best thing on it.
And they’re not wrong. Ant and Dec are hilarious, cheeky and a little bit dishy. They provide the laughs while the celebs provide the rest.
I was in a restaurant the other day and my friend ordered whitebait. For the uninitiated (like I was), this entailed a small basket filled with loads of little complete fish. Complete fish. Not battered either. Just lying there staring at me and my soup. To get over the sight of my friend eating fish heads, I pretended I was watching I’m a Celebrity... She won her challenge and had a normal main course, but I was so focused, she could have had koala penis risotto and I’d have applauded at the end.
I love, too, how the show helps you see the real people behind the celebrities. I like all of this year’s group so far, but my favourite had to be Joey Essex. He’s adorable. I haven’t really watched The Only Way is Essex (I’m more of a Geordie Shore type) so I’ve only really heard stuff about him being not that bright. But he’s like a bairn. A lovely, sheltered, innocent bairn. And an open book.
Even if it is mostly pictures.
It’s the British Comedy Awards this week — 9.00pm Thursday on Channel 4 — but sadly I can’t go. I’ve been nominated three years in a row and the only time I won was the year I couldn’t attend.
Who knows if I’ve been nominated this year, but the fact that I’ll be on stage in Wolverhampton might be a good sign!
Sarah’s stand-up DVD, Thoroughly Modern Millican Live, is available at radiotimes.com/dvdshop