Yes, I’m going to say it, I miss Jedward. I know. I should probably be slung into some X Factor recovery home for a few weeks to pull myself together. But I just can’t get used to this year’s X Factor where everyone’s either pretty good or really good. The most excitement last weekend came from the fact that Miss Dynamix didn’t perform due to pregnant SeSe’s trip to hospital.
And Robin Thicke performing Blurred Lines looking like Simon Cowell, which everyone on Twitter totally enjoyed. But that’s a different matter for an entirely new piece on getting the Simon Cowell look that I’ll probably never write.
This weekend for example, the song choices have been announced for the movie week theme. Among them, prison officer Sam Bailey is singing Titanic theme My Heart Will Go On. Nicole Scherzinger’s Hannah Barrett is singing Adele’s Skyfall from the most recent James Bond flick and stunning Tamera Foster is singing Beyonce’s Listen from Dreamgirls. It’s so paint by numbers I feel like I’ve already watched it.
Where’s 2010’s Wagner when you need him? He’d come strutting out with his hairy chest blasting out a dodgy rendition of the theme tune from High School Musical or something. Louis Walsh would bop along. Everyone else would look horrified. We’d all laugh, pick up the phone and vote to pretend we all really hold the power balance on the show.
One week Wagner performed a mash-up of Elton John’s I’m Still Standing and the Circle of Life. Need I say more?
Even when the novelty acts completely tanked – like when Rylan Clarke had a bash at singing a Spice Girls track and made us want to burn our old copies of their albums – we still wanted him to do well because it irritated head judge Gary Barlow and you never really knew where he’d go next.
Remember Kitty Brucknell plopping herself down on the side of the stage for a chat about how long it had taken her to get there? Swinging her hair about, flirting with the crowd. Classic.
Come on Simon, fly in some random acts like these as actual wild cards, just because you can.
X Factor 2011 Kitty Bucknell’s first audition – aka The Kitty Brucknell Show
Wagner’s Elton John 2010 mash-up changes our memories of The Lion King forever
Rylan Clark sings a Madonna/ Abba melody in 2012 but it’s the image of that outfit that lasts
2009 stars Jedward sing Britney Spears’ Oops I did It Again in matching red leather suits and Cheryl Cole finds it hilarious
Before she quit the show in 2011 Goldie Cheung went about laying all over a piano singing goodness knows what… and this was just at Bootcamp!
The X Factor continues at 8:00pm on Saturday and Sunday on ITV