Danny Dyer is to join EastEnders as landlord of the Queen Victoria pub. But before he goes up the Apples and Pears and settles in for his Rosy Lee, we get to grips with this Cockney bad boy's distinctive use of the English language, courtesy of his Twitter account...
Danny says: “Have a pipe at my moody tattoo”
De-coded: Hello there lovely Twitter followers, why not, when you have a spare moment, take a look at the splendid new artwork I’ve had installed at the top of my arm. It conveys a rather dark emotion.
Danny says: “Anyone fancy something nice and comforting to look at before they get their nut down??????”
De-coded: As night time approaches and you prepare to place your weary head on your pillow, might I aid your sleep by perhaps showing you a comforting and soporific image? Monet’s Haystacks at Dusk, perhaps?
Danny says: “Just watched Ratatouille with the Littlen… f**k me I was rooting for that rat”
De-coded: I have spent a delightful afternoon with my young child watching an animated tale of a culinarily-skilled rodent, during which I was very much hoping he would win the day!
Danny says: “On my way to the Manc to film 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown… seriously are they off their f***ing nuts.”
De-coded: I am wending my way toward the wonderful city of Manchester, where the kind people at Channel 4 have invited me to take part in that most salubrious of shows, 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown. They really are spiffing chaps for giving me this wonderful opportunity.
Danny says: “Tonight I will be on the Gadget Show on Channel 4 @ 8 ‘o’ clock. If you’re interested… enjoy… if not… well… get f***ed.”
De-coded: Dearest fans, I will be taking part in the Gadget Show this very evening at 20:00 hours. If that takes your fancy, then please do tune in. If not, please do enjoy the rest of your evening and I’m sorry to have bothered you.