Yodelling. YODELLING. The secret’s out boys. Forget all of that internet dating. Yodelling. That’s how to get the girls.
I’m as shocked as you. But did you see Nicole? Seventeen-year-old Barclay Beales only had to give a few yodels from the side of the stage and she was rubbing her breasts. In a leather dress. It was enough to make Granddad put his paper down.
Barclay’s a smart lad, too. I mean, yodelling One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful? Genius. And with a SpongeBob Squarepants-themed guitar strap. I could hear the girls running to vote for him and he’s not even made it past Bootcamp yet.
And yes, while there were plenty of the returning X Factor girls back in tonight’s episode – Melanie McCabe and Jade Richards both sang their socks off for a place at Bootcamp – it felt like tonight was all about the boys.
Loveable football coach Tom Mann, who we saw in last week’s episode, took his place on the Wembley stage. As Nicole (barely audible above the screams) explained, “there’s a break in your voice that the girls go crazy for”.
Indeed, we could literally hear them, with yet another X Factor revamp letting us at home in on snippets of the audience’s conversations (honestly, with all these new innovations we’re going to need an ‘X Factor For Dummies’ by the time we get to the live shows).
Back too was Luke Friend. You know, the one who doesn’t wash his hair? Yeah him. Well he bagged a standing ovation from the judges. And four ‘yesses’. Obviously. Could unwashed hair be a lucky mascot…?
It was rather a case of thank goodness for the boys tonight, though. Sweeter than sweet girl group Euphoria Girls were back with their high kicks and big smiles. A painfully polite version of Icona Pop’s I Love It earned them a comparison to the Spice Girls, who Louis Walsh explained “couldn’t all sing”.
Even funky Relley C, the housekeeper who captured the judges’ hearts last night, couldn’t quite pull it together for the arena. Only the fact that the judges loved her first audition so much meant she was given another shot.
Ah, but then there was Abi Alton. Back with her guitar, flowers in her hair and her own song about heartbreak. Four thousand people applauded, Louis Walsh apologised for not believing in her and Dermot O’Leary got a hug off of her dad.
All seems right in the world of X Factor.
The X Factor continues next Saturday and Sunday, 8:00pm, ITV