1. Brand awareness
You might have harrumphed at Sachsgate, stayed stony-faced during Russell Brand's mildly risqué American comedy films, and contrived to miss his hosting of Big Brother's Troubled Nephew (or whatever it was called) altogether. But you can't deny that when it comes to riffing lightly but deeply with scary homophobes on a late-night US talk show, Russell Brand has few equals.
Here he is in a recent edition of his FX show Brand X, with two guests from the notoriously tightly focused Westboro Baptist Church. They arrive with a special colour banner bearing the legend FAG PIMP BRAND. From this startling launching point, they explain how Brand's mockery of sin means he hates his audience, Biblically speaking. Brand's off-the-cuff gags are brilliant, but he never lets it turn into a shouting match. Fantastic telly.
2. Pierre! You've minimised the news!
Ladies and gentlemen, a rare opportunity: look inside the very nightmares of Jeremy Vine on the eve of an election broadcast.
This French hack is trying to make the serious, important point that Israeli attacks on Gaza are billed as necessary retaliation but have a tendency to coincide with upcoming domestic elections. Sadly, he's got these killer facts on a trendy touchscreen, which he hasn't quite practised enough on before going live.
3. Those bloody films
They may have allowed him to live in a skyscraper made of money, but Robert Pattinson has never really seemed like he'd be watching the Twilight movies if he weren't in them. How true this is has been rammed home by this compo of interviews in which R-Patz quite openly admits that the films are stupid, the books are awful and he hates all the other actors.
So, Rob. Who's your favourite person on set? Come on, this is an easy one… name one person. At random. Anyone. Robert..? Hello?
4. Now that's what I call generic
Today's newfangled chart pop music. You know, that music that they have now – all sounds the same, doesn't it? On the basis of this brilliant audio-video mix by Robin Skouteris… yes, it does.
Over six minutes, Skouteris seamlessly intermingles about 25 recent hits. It seems they all spring from a single source: Justin Bieber. Be afraid.
First there were the iPhone screencaps on Twitter, then the book, now the cartoon series. The invention of October Jones, Texts from Dog will be an ill-advised Hollywood movie by next year, at this rate.
Is this animated version as good as just reading the hilarious "texts"? It's slightly pointless, but it's nicely produced by internet fun-damentalists The Poke.