The fumble in the jungle - Flanagan versus Dorries part one... Fight!
Yep, the opening exchange between Britain's two most hated people (yes, out of the ten available to be voted for, they were chosen – that’s how it works) was something of a damp squib as the-blink-and-you'll-miss-it contest fizzled out into a no score draw.
Corrie's Rosie Webster survived about two seconds of her inaugural Bushtucker Trial, whereas Nadine Dorries did a little better, making it to four minutes of being mauled by aggressive mealworms before saying something very odd: "I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!"
Now Nadine, come on, you’ve only been on the telly for five minutes – you’re not even a celebrity politician yet (for details on that ask Ann Widdecombe and Edwina Currie). Perhaps ITV should invent a separate “safe phrase” for Nadine, I dunno, like: “I’m a sitting MP wasting my constituents' time whilst arsing around in the jungle… get me out of here!”… or something.
But despite it being a short Bushtucker Trial, the good news is two-fold. One, Nadine lost her rag a little bit with Helen after climbing out of her crate, mumbling “who cares” when Helen noted she had a twig in her hair – she has therefore confirmed her place as a “baddie” in the contest with the viewers, and we all need a baddie. Secondly, because both Helen and Nadine made such a meal of the first trial, the public have forced them to do it all again tonight… (And for all eternity/whenever they get voted out – whichever comes first).
Elsewhere the campers continued to generally, well, get on quite nicely without major incident as Helen Flanagan stole the show. Eric Bristow (after getting eaten alive by a tick) enjoyed a wet t-shirt competition with Brian Conley, but beyond that – it was all about Helen.
Proving she was not acting whilst playing Rosie Webster in Coronation Street, Flanagan unleashed a tirade of silliness, claiming that hotels charge you £100 to wear the dressing gowns provided and admitting that she spends £25 every two days on getting her hair blow dried. She was astounded to find out that this adds up to £400 a month, but thankfully has a “magic card” that sorts these things out.
Interestingly, the campers, just like me, are beginning to warm to young Helen, who is clearly in the show to recharge that "magic card" and land herself a bikini modelling deal. She might not go through a full epiphany whilst in the jungle, but you get the feeling Little Miss Soapland might learn something along the way – and that’s not a phrase you would expect to say when you’re talking about a group of people that includes Hugo from Made in Chelsea, and Tracey out of Birds of a Feather.
The wonders of ITV1 primetime television will never cease.
See you all at 9pm tonight to witness Helen vs Nadine round two – and of course, Nadine Dorries NOT discussing the 20 weeks abortion policy, again…