I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! 2012 - show one, review

Will Nadine Dorries be "out-annoyinged" by Helen Flanagan? Could Hugo Taylor be any more of a drip? Has Eric Bristow got delusions of grandeur? All will be revealed...

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I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! 2012 - show one, review
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Although all the pre-match build up has been about Nadine Dorries MP, the first episode of everyone's favourite extended Iceland advert has already established another contender for the coveted most annoying camp-mate crown.

The obvious pretender to this throne is soap sweetheart, Helen Flanagan. In her opening VT, the former Corrie star explains “I'm not a bimbo – I'm actually quite complex”...

Well if by complex she means being irritating, crying, moaning and staring into the middle distance like a rabbit in the headlights, she is indeed complex. Inevitably, Helen has now ensured that she is going to be nominated for every Bushtucker Trial going – if she'd watched the first 11 series of I'm a Celebrity... she would know that if you show fear, you will be punished by the sadistic ITV-viewing public. Not even wearing a bikini at all times in camp (a classic distraction technique) is going to save squirming Helen from this fate.

That said, Nadine, the Mid-Bedfordshire MP, is far from out of the woods yet, and is already beginning to wind up her camp mates, especially Made in Chelsea's Hugo, who thinks she should be at work, not arsing around in Australia. However, he did cry at the end of day one in the camp, so can we really trust his big fat posh opinion?

Nadine has tried to endear herself to the British public by doing the whole “snakes and rats – that's just like Westminster” routine, but so far her rather predictable patter has fallen on deaf ears. Although she has confirmed that she doesn't want to be Prime Minster (she was a definite contender, of course), any hopes she may have of talking politics to the people may be scuppered by the crafty cockney Eric Bristow, who thinks politics, religion and... children shouldn't be discussed at the dinner table, or in camp. Good, well with that settled, can we just get on with chucking maggots and slime at a Tory MP, and allow no right to reply.

Already, Celeb 2012 looks like it has the hallmarks of a cracking series. From the unfunny comic (Brian Conoley) to the everywoman salt of the earth grafter (Linda Robson), past the eccentric old actor (Colin Baker) and the sports superstar (David Haye) to the posh twerp (Hugo Taylor), this series has something for everyone. Sadly, the opening Bushtucker Trial was not a boxing contest – but no show is perfect, right?

It’s wonderful to observe the dynamics evolve between the young and desperate to raise their profile and the old and simply desperate for cash. What do they think of themselves, and what do they think of each other? Does Colin Baker really know who Hugo Taylor is? And does Eric Bristow really think the general public see him as a cocky git – Eric, do you really think there is still a “public perception” of you, son... really?

Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls has quickly emerged as the early surprise contestant – you know, the one who seems quite normal and nice. But she's an attractive (ex) popstar, surely she's got to be nuts? Well, so far there's been no tears, tantrums or incredible bulls**t stories from her... it's a jungle miracle!

And so the scene is set for the next Bushtucker Trial, which is of course between Helen and Nadine – and long may that continue. Expect tears, blaspheming on an Olympic level and almost no discussion of politics as the two get buried in coffins full of jungle critters tonight. And as the mayhem unfolds, remember this... it was you, the good people of Britain that made this happen, and it's you who can do it again tomorrow. Keep voting for Helen and Nadine, it's simply the right thing to do.