That well-worn parenting manual Phil’s Guide to Raising Kids (chapters: Keep Shtoom, Deny Everything, Threaten with Violence, Disown) has let the family down again. Ben’s behind bars, Shirley’s in turmoil, Jay’s a pariah. In fact, the only person in Walford smiling by the end of the week is Fat Boy, who gets a new job at the Vic. It seems he puts Alfie in mind of his younger self – on second thoughts, that should wipe the grin off Fats’s face.
Womb Wars continue as Owen tries to scupper Katy’s surrogacy plans. Trouble is he’s about as level-headed as the Incredible Hulk after a triple espresso. Matters are no less fraught for Eva, who’s in danger of losing another man to a family member: first Nick was off with Leanne, now it’s Rob making eyes at Stella. At least Sally and Kevin seem happy – she’s bought him three plaster ducks as a housewarming gift. Now all he needs is Hilda’s “muriel”.
Jai and Rachel’s efforts to lie low in lay-bys, their faces shielded behind the covers of estate agents’ brochures, seem to be paying off. Nobody is certain who the father of Rachel’s baby is, although Ali is throwing accusations in David’s direction. No surprise, then, that he’s legging it so fast in the village fun run, even going so far as to beat half-man, half-protein-shake Nikhil. However, Dan’s the one getting an unexpected prize after collapsing short of the finish line.