Eddie Izzard sets realistic goals as he becomes "director" at Crystal Palace FC

"All I really want is for Crystal Palace to win every game from now until the end of time. That's all"

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Eddie Izzard sets realistic goals as he becomes "director" at Crystal Palace FC
Written By
Tim Glanfield

Comedian, actor, charity runner… and now football club director – that’s quite the CV Eddie Izzard has built up over the years. 

Yes, that’s right, not content with running 43 marathons in 51 days, Izzard has decided to solidify his place in the world of sport by becoming part of the establishment at his beloved south London football club, Crystal Palace. 

But what does the newly announced Associate Director expect from his team? Not much, it seems…

"All I really want is for Crystal Palace to win every game from now until the end of time. That's all,” said the 50-year old in a statement on the club’s website.

He continued: “I know that's a tough thing to ask but that really is what I want. You see, I've been a fan or a supporter of Palace since 1969. At times I've been a fan and at times I've been just a supporter because I'm afraid I'm a bad loser and if we don't win games - I don't deal with it well.”

But you remain a good role model, right Eddie?

“I tend to swear in front of children and shout at televisions in pubs. I know everyone has to deal with this and I've tried to mature my behaviour as my life has progressed, but in this one area I am still like the teenager I was in the 70s, living and dying every week for the football games I was playing myself or watching Palace play.” 

So how are you planning to help the club in your new role, Eddie?

"I have circled the idea of trying to do something to help Palace for years and now I'm in. What I can actually do - I'm not sure. But if you know anything about me, I am a determined bastard and I don't like to give in."

According to Palace, an Associate Directorship doesn’t really mean anything – in fact, one suspects it’s a made up role designed just to get publicity. The “job” involves enjoying “full hospitality in the Boardroom at every home game for two guests” and is a way of “meeting directors from other clubs” to do business. 

Oh, and the position also seems to be for sale to other interested parties for the 2012/2013 season. Well, this PR stunt worked on us… well done Crystal Palace – and congratulations on the new “job” Eddie! 

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