I was “working from home” all day yesterday (bra off, laptop on knee, kettle on a loop, telly on in the background, muttering the sentence “That’s a Fossil handbag. It’s not for kittens” at least once an hour) and decided to clock off at 6pm and watch Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber on one of the fancy satellite channels. I hadn’t seen it for years and it always makes me giggle into my chins.
I told Twitter that’s what I was doing. I do this a lot. Tell Twitter things.
Unbeknownst to me, Comedy Dave off the Chris Moyles Show had just told Twitter the same thing, which led the rest of the internet to assume we were on the same sofa in the big comedy house where we live (I’d have put a bra on if someone had been round). It led some to think we were flirting. Yes, that’s how I start all of my relationships – by telling the man in question that my favourite bit is the diarrhoea scene. I just like loud pumps, that’s all.
Watching telly with Twitter on is like watching it with your friends without having to Hoover or get plain crisps in (I maintain they are only bought for others, you never buy them for yourself). If a programme is watched by a large amount of people, Twitter becomes the commentary. And often improves rubbishy shows.
The smartest, funniest people make sharp observations and occasional bitchy comments that you can interact with or just read. I rarely feel lonely but occasionally feel alone, and telly with Twitter helps alleviate that. Like a community but one where you don’t have to befriend your neighbours, or worry that they all have knives, or might want you to take a parcel in sometime.
If you have a witty aside about how your nana is starting to look like Tom Jones, you can tell people straightaway rather than having to wait till work on Monday. Twitter is like a massive water cooler or kitchenette. A bitchin’ kitchen, if you will.
The comics and writers on Twitter are needy enough to check which of their comments were the most popular by seeing how many retweets they got (where someone passes the comment on to their own followers). All we need is love and for our funniest tweets to be liked.
Just before Christmas, my most popular tweet (with 400 retweets) was this: “Elf is on Channel 4 in approx 3 mins.” I always think people want funny when in truth, sometimes they just want listings.”
Send me your pets!
One of the best things about Twitter is how easy it is to share links, articles and pictures of animals in clothes (the latter has always been my downfall). Here is a recent favourite.
Read the next edition of Sarah Millican's View from the Sofa in Radio Times magazine on Tuesday
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