It's always a difficult phone conversation, the one we have with Stuart Baggs The Brand every week.

It usually starts with some pleasantries. "How are you, Stuart Baggs The Brand?" we say.

"I'm down," says Stuart Baggs The Brand. "I wish I was on the telly. Why do people not realise how brilliant I am? I could present Daybreak, I could host the Million Pound Drop..."

"Oh," we say. "That's a shame. Perhaps you could do a video preview of this week's episode of The Apprentice for us to take your mind off it."

"OK!" he says. "I've got a great idea..."

"No!" we say. "Not another one of your stupid videos. We want some serious commentary on the BBC business behemoth - you're a businessman, why don't you watch the show and analyse it - think Working Lunch."

"Fine," he says. "It'll be with you on Wednesday."

This is what he sent.