The young mum
Emma Williams, 33. Married to Gavin, deployed to Afghanistan with the Royal Engineers. They have two children, Lucy, 4, and Ben, 7
If anyone could give a military wife a present and that present was made up of lots of little presents – that’s what Gareth has done for us. The choir has been a present to keep us busy, focused, and, given us a sense of achievement. People always say, “You knew what you were getting into when you married a soldier’’, but until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes you can’t say.
You fall in love and you think everything is going to be rosy, but when crunch-time comes you’ve got to give up your career, your family and friends for a time. Your life becomes where your husband needs to go.
There are wives who’ve had big careers – unfortunately there’s not very much choice in military life for wives. There’s reward in your husband and children, but there’s also sacrifice, and this gift from Gareth is something for us.
For a little while it turns the tables: as a military wife you’re proud of what your husband does; now it’s time for them to be proud of us. One of the women who initially wrote to Gareth was desperate to get the old-fashioned community back. She’d been a military wife for a while and back in the day, there was this companionship and you asked your neighbour for help.
Now the sense of community has come back through the choir, so her plan worked. We’re going to feel lost when this is over. The choir has been our family, and although our husbands and partners will be back, this is just so different. Gareth’s such a good teacher and we feel deeply protective about him.
Gareth on Emma Emma was very shy at first, but as she found her feet, I realised she was a bit of a closet performer. She really brings something to the group as she sings with a sense of fun. People don’t have any idea what these women go through. While there is rightly a lot of support for the troops, the women are unsung heroes.
Wife and Mother
Suzy Brady, 38. Both her husband Steve and son Ross serve in the Royal Marines. Ross, 21, was deployed to the front line in Afghanistan for the first time during the filming of The Choir. Steve and Suzy also have six-year-old Jack.
Although I have learnt to cope with my husband going away, it’s a completely different kettle of fish with my son. You do everything you can to protect your children, and the fact I have no control has been really hard to get my head around. No matter how old he is, Ross is still my baby boy.
It’s a different emotion to what I feel for my husband, who has done several tours in Afghanistan on the front line, and then again my father, who was in the Marines as well. I’ve pretty much been a blubbing mess when I’ve been singing. You read the words differently, because you’re singing with passion, and the lyrics make us think of what’s going on in our lives.
There have been times when I haven’t been physically able to get the words out. Last time I got through a certain song without crying, but I shook the whole way through with the effort of not bursting into tears.
We’ve made Gareth cry and we’ve even reduced the audience to tears. When we see people crying it sets us off, and once we start crying, it’s such a relief. We all have that bond in common. We know what everyone else is going through. We cry for each other.
I don’t think people realise what we have to go through. Yes, we chose this life and at the end of the day we keep going, no matter how much it breaks our hearts. We know we’ve got to keep the lads going as well. I always try to speak with a smile on the phone so that my voice doesn’t sound down.
And the choir has given us something to talk about. It has filled up the days, it’s given us a focus and a future to see, because you don’t want to dwell on the past or the present. You’ve got to keep yourself going forward. And yet, when the flyers first came through the door, I wasn’t going to do it.
I’m not a person who likes to be in the limelight and at the beginning I thought I couldn’t sing. We had just moved to Chivenor barracks in Devon and I didn’t know anybody. It was my husband who saw the choir as a way of meeting people and making friends.
Now my opinion has completely flipped. I absolutely love it with a passion and I’d be lost without it. It makes you smile, and though we get nervous before we perform, the endorphins and adrenaline rush is wonderful.
Normally the months would drag by because it’s so tough, and we all go through the same emotions at the beginning of the tour and at the end, too. The last month is so emotional because it’s such a relief that it’s coming to the end. I honestly would have struggled majorly if I hadn’t been singing and met so many wonderful friends. We’ve got a unique bond now. I’ll treasure it for the rest of my life.
Gareth on Suzy Suzy has been dealt a triple whammy. A father in the Marines, then her husband, and now her son. In the beginning, Suzy thought she couldn’t sing and wanted to hide away at the back. There’s a fat chance of that ever happening with the choir. There are absolutely no passengers. But she’s amazing. I don’t know how she has held it together to sing.
Though actually, often she hasn’t and she has burst into tears, which then sets off a chain reaction. At times the songs we’ve chosen strike a chord and that has been difficult. Watching Suzy find the courage to sing the words to Keep the Home Fires Burning, when she’s thinking of her son on the front line in Afghanistan, is a powerful and emotional experience. It makes you question yourself when you think you are having a bad day.
Wife and veteran
Nicky Scott, 43. A former soldier herself, her husband George was deployed with the Royal Engineers to Afghanistan during filming. They have two children, Georgina, 9, and Isla, 8.
George has done three tours of Afghanistan since we’ve been married. I was still serving during his first, and my life was chaos. I know what it’s like on the front line as I served in Kosovo in 1999 and 2000. The scenario I’ve had this time is wow, it’s a question of what you fill your life with if you’re that military wife at home looking after the children.
I was going nuts some days, and the choir has just helped me so much in the transition from squaddie chick to Army wife. I’ve sung all my life; I sang as a child in Wales in the eisteddfods to an audience of 6,000 people, but this is real. When you’re in that rehearsal you don’t think of anything else. In the build up to it, you’re practising, learning words, concentrating on not panicking, and in between doing things with your children.
It’s a rolling schedule. There’s not been much free time. Then you go home and back to reality. We’re so happy in rehearsal watching Gareth do his diva thing. He’s got answers for everything, which has been good for us. It’s like a counselling service. I hope we’ve done British military wives proud.
If it’s not the wife, it’s the sister or the mother or the girlfriend. There is always someone there for the men. If the men are out there they still need to know there’s somebody for them when they come back. They love to hear about home and to be able to talk about the choir.
I’m so proud that we’ve done this. I’ll have it for the rest of my life. Every military establishment that is going to deploy to wherever in the world they have to go. It’s like medicine. And that’s the test. That’s what Gareth wants us to do. When we move to a new camp, we start again. We’ll sing wherever we go.
Gareth on Nicky Nicky has thrown herself into the choir and been a leader. She’s been really committed, staying after rehearsal, getting involved. She’s been absolutely instrumental in creating that community. She sings from the heart. It’s not a choir of meek souls: I have found their courage and fortitude really inspiring. And I wanted it to be their choir, not mine. There is a place for it in military life. It can’t fix anything, but it can make you feel better about life. Interviews by
The Choir: Military Wives is on BBC2 tonight at 9pm.