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I always get the feeling that Heroes is watched by people - and by people I mean 13-year-olds - who think it's great drama. But of course, 13-year-olds wouldn't know great drama if it knocked on their doors and introduced itself.
Heroes (Thursdays, 9:00pm, BBC2) is tosh. Effortlessly dull tosh at that, packed with ludicrous portent and mind-bendingly dreary characters. The whole thing is so uninvolving it's impossible to care who's doing what, and why. Save the world/don't save the world. Am I bothered?
The first series was bad, but the second is even worse, grinding along week after week, spewing out interminable nonsense and even worse dialogue. For instance, no-one should underestimate the narcoleptic properties of its narrator, Mohinder, and his uncanny ability to eject rubbish from his mouth that sounds like it's really deep (and probably is viewed as profound by our 13-year-old friends) but is simply the kind of New Age gunk that wouldn't disgrace a greetings card adorned with kittens in a basket.
No wonder producer/creator Tim Kring apologised last year to impatient fans when the series aired in the States. He knew he'd got it wrong, and he pledged to put it right.
I'm always mildly surprised to learn that adults - and quite sensible ones at that - watch Heroes. Though I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and put it down to a mildly aberrant personality - we all have our weaknesses. I've been known to be struck dumb with appalled fascination by Katie & Peter: the Next Chapter (ITV2).
I know it's wrong and I shouldn't be watching, but something about this grim, joyless, lifeless mess is completely fascinating, from Katie Price's dead eyes and lustreless, monotonous voice to her husband's obsession with a certain sex act. In one episode I saw recently, Katie bought Peter a piano for his birthday. It was a nice gift and he appeared genuinely touched. Until - yes, he couldn't help himself - he grabbed his crotch and droned, oh so romantically: "A b*** j** would make it perfect." Peter, love, you do realise you are on telly, don't you? But, heigh-ho, no-one believes in privacy any more, do they?
Actually, for all of his tedious sex-centric posturing, Peter Andre seems rather sweet, a bit like a lost and motherless panda. But there's something very frightening about Katie.
It's not too much of a stretch to compare Katie Price's undoubted focus on her own climb to success with that of Margaret Thatcher. In Tony Saint's cheerful fantasy, Margaret Thatcher - the Long Walk to Finchley (Thursday 12 June, 9:00pm, BBC4), Andrea Riseborough is terrifyingly good as the young Margaret Roberts.
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What do you think? Email your comments now to rtblogcomments@bbc.co.uk - the best ones will be published.
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Alison Graham is TV editor of Radio Times - read her column in the latest issue of Radio Times magazine, on sale now.
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