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Why We Watch...Nip/Tuck |
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Had enough of being an identical twin? Need a new face to escape the police? Or simply want your dead lover's ashes added to your breast implants? Then you need Nip/Tuck's McNamara and Troy.
In the glamorous, wealthy world of South Beach, Miami, plastic surgery is the answer to every problem, and surgeons Sean McNamara and Christian Troy are a cut above the rest.
Their prowess isn't limited to the operating theatre either. Over four series, married man Sean has had sexual relations with a patient, a porn star, his son's nanny and one of Santa's elves.
And when it comes to arrogant playboy Christian, well… where to begin? This is a man who went to a sex addicts' meeting, seduced one of the members, then slept with the psychiatrist who'd sent him; who impregnated his best friend's wife; who once cooked up a scheme to trade his girlfriend for a Lamborghini.
So why should we care about these characters?
Well, Sean may have trouble remaining faithful, but he's a family man at heart. He has a conscience and regularly agonises over the mistakes he's made - and those he's currently making, and is about to make. And to be fair, much of his philandering has taken place while wife Julia has been involved in similar dalliances. Plus he insists on performing free surgery on the needy (with their consent, of course).
As the series unfolds, even Christian develops morals. As with many TV rogues, unexpected fatherhood reveals a soft centre, and we also discover that his treatment of women may have roots in his own abusive childhood. By God, he's practically a tragic hero.
Christian also wields a scalpel-sharp wit, is immaculately tailored, seriously buff and dangerously good-looking. Even a man as rampantly heterosexual as myself can see it - Christian's hot stuff.
But where do his own affections lie? Could he really have a crush on partner Sean? Whether or not there's any truth in that rumour, it's clear they really do love each other. I find it endearing and, I suppose, rather reassuring. Despite the cheating and lying, jealousy and resentment, there's an unbreakable bond between them. Unlike Sean and Julia, these two will always get back together.
At this point, though, you may be starting to wonder whether some of these characters and plotlines aren't just a little far-fetched. Well, they pale into insignificance when compared with the misadventures of Sean's son Matt.
The unfortunate teenager first grabbed my attention when, in search of female acceptance, he attempted to circumcise himself using instructions he'd Googled from the internet. Yes - lucky his dad's a plastic surgeon.
Continuing his quest for true love, Matt dated schoolmate Ariel. So she turned out to be a white supremacist? Nobody's perfect. And a few racial slurs didn't hint at the fact that Ariel's psychotic father was about to kidnap Matt and try to make him cut off his own penis… Actually, I could probably devote an entire blog to Matt's endangered member. But nobody wants to read that.
When Matt first began to go off the rails, Sean and Julia decided a life coach was the answer. Not such a quick fix as surgery perhaps, but still in the South Beach tradition of dodging the real issues. Enter Ava (Famke Janssen), whose job was to improve all facets of Matt's life. She took her work seriously, and was soon improving his sex life. So could Ava finally be the one? Bad luck, Matt! Turns out she's a transsexual (and a work in progress).
Matt's next thrust at happiness saw him hook up with porn star-turned-Scientologist Kimber. Well, why not? She was good enough for both his adoptive and biological dads… Talk about a Freudian nightmare!
So by now Nip/Tuck's escapist appeal must be clear. For those of us who can't bear the launderettes, rain and teenage pregnancies of British soaps, the show provides the perfect antidote. Yes, the characters are a little larger than life, and the plotlines are audacious - but they're seriously entertaining. Add to that acerbic dialogue, gorgeous sets and more famous guest stars than there are notches on Christian's bedpost, and surely you'll agree - we could all use a little Nip/Tuck.
Paul Jones
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