GLYN'S REALISED THAT IF LEA GOES ON FRIDAY, SHE'LL TAKE HER BAPS WITH HER.

Everyone thinks I'm paranoid

"And now for the somersault!" commands bossy Michael, placing Jennie through a series of early-morning gymnastic manoeuvres. "Oooh, I'm not sure," says Jennie. "No! Put your hands on the bench and spring!" clips Michael, determined to rally house spirits, it seems, by enforcing a BAGA award scheme.

Inside the diary room sits Ash, clearly in need of a mood-enhancing double flic-flac somersault. "If I move Spiral, Big Bruvver, then he'll go next door…but what if he doesn't? But he probably will! And then you might not show it on TV! What will the people of Ireland think?!"

Ash has gone a bit insane since Friday's fake eviction. She has an otherworldly, Stepford Wives look on her face. "The people of Ireland. I love them! My family are from there! What will they think?!" cries Ash, going into full Eva Peron mode, "They will think I've betrayed them!"

Oh, calm down, Ash. Ireland is a nation of hardy individuals. I think they've weathered greater storms than watching a rave monkey in a Kappa tracksuit move his glow sticks and Vic's inhaler 50 metres over a fence in Borehamwood. "I don't want to cause offence!" Ash says. Really? Try putting on knickers or shutting your knees when you go into the diary room in a negligee then, that might be a start. Or buy a bigger pot of peroxide next time. You've missed a bit.

Next door, Imogen has Pete cornered, telling him from now on "they're going to be friends". Pete's wearing a pair of those vile Harlequin trousers crusties buy for £4 a pair at Spiral Tribe raves, otherwise worn only by red-neck bodybuilders in Texas. "I really, really like you!" says Imogen, "I want us to be friends." Pete's reaction to the news is quite obvious; well, obvious to anyone vaguely perceptive.

First, he begins to twitch, then his nervous laugh kicks in. Then his woodpecker whistle noise, which indicates he's fighting an outburst. Then the involuntary swearing starts. Pete is obviously very uncomfortable. "I want you to open up to me!" burbles Imogen, dragging Pete in for a hug.

Six weeks have passed since Pete entered BB7; I don't think this self-absorbed bunch have learned one single iota more about Pete's condition other than "he's not, like, a loony, like we first thought he was". Later, Glyn will nominate the clearly subdued, homesick Pete for "not being silly like he was at the start".

Lea nominates Richard for "calling her fat", but she's so paranoid she's probably getting him mixed up with the voices coming from the toaster

The housemates are on the sofas wearing glum expressions, awaiting nomination time. Glyn is called to the diary room. "Wooo hooo! Go, Glyn! Go, Glyn!" hoots Jayne in a bad American accent, "Strut your stuff! Do your thing! Yeah!" No-one else is shouting or finding her funny, but Jayne carries on like this for another hour because essentially she's a loud, annoying prat who can't gauge atmospheres. "Oooh, I've just realised something," she says after about an hour of shouting, "You must all be feeling sh**ty and here's me shouting! Ha ha ha!"

Glyn nominates Pete for being "miserable". He also nominates Lea, who he quite rightfully identifies as being all huggy and clingy all of a sudden. Later he'll regret these nominations after realising that if Lea goes, she'll take her baps with her.

Imogen, as ever, nominates Richard. These outbursts are the most animated she ever gets all week. "He is spiteful, nasty and gives little digs all the time!" That's a pity, Imogen, he looooooves you. Imogen also nominates Lea for being "manipulative, paranoid" and "obsessed with Pete".

Lea nominates Susie "because she's proper posh" so Lea "can't be herself". This is quite true. Susie does tend to look at Lea during her many "I love c**ks" stories wearing the same horrified expression as Prendrick in The Island of Dr Moreau by HG Wells when he realises he is in fact trapped, away from civilisation, with a horrific bunch of mutant humanoids. Lea also nominates Richard for "calling her fat", which probably didn't even happen as she's so paranoid she's probably getting him mixed up with the voices coming from the toaster.

Mikey nominates Richard for "staring at him". And Nikki for "moaning about being cold when she could put some clothes on".

Nikki nominates Richard because apparently Nikki made a joke to Jayne about Richard eating a lot, so he turned it round and pointed out that Nikki eats a lot, too. This has annoyed Nikki, because she can't take jokes about herself. Nikki also nominates Lea as she says: "Aisleyne was right about Lea, she is manipulative!"

Richard nominates Imogen for being "like a wart, she won't go away". He also nominates Glyn "for the whole Welsh thing". Richard says that he was planning to go to Wales when he got out of BB7, but he won't now. Unlike the stoic people of Ireland, the good people of Wales are totally distraught at this news. Devastated, in fact. Yes, as I type, news is already reaching me that Cerys from Catatonia, Goldie Lookin' Chain and Charlotte Church are clubbing together for a special one-off Eisteddfod to try and tempt the smug know-it-all back. Dick-fest they're going to call it. Seriously.

Pete isn't allowed to nominate. "How do you feel about that?" asks Big Brother. "Erm…relieved, actually," smiles Pete. "Well, Big Brother wants to remind you that we don't always treat cases of rule breaking in the same way!" they warn. "Yes, we know that!" shouts the entire viewing public, "That's why the show is so annoying at the moment!" No need to draw attention to it.

Susie nominates Lea for crying all the time: "I don't think Lea knows why she's crying either." Susie also nominates Glyn for his continuous silent-but-deadly farting: "I know it's him…but he doesn't admit it," she says.

I feel sorry for Susie's delicate nostrils. Glyn's biggest pleasure in life right now is his sandwiches made of raw black pudding and salt and vinegar crisps eaten with a speckled banana. That concoction must create some vile and unholy gasses. Sadly for Susie, a bit like Shahbaz, George and Dawn, they seem to be leaving by the back door.

Who should leave on Friday? Dickie or Lea? Mail me on grace.dent@bbc.co.uk.