LEA GOES INTO DEFAULT WHINE CYCLE, DRONING THROUGH EVERY CLICHE IN THE LEA WALKER MARTYR'S HANDBOOK.

You can't handle the truth

Day 43. Aisleyne is up with the lark. She's perched in the diary room with a steely glint in her eye, looking quite sublime. Despite being a self-confessed "ghetto princess" from the grimier side of the tracks, Ash is the sort of lady who can wear crisp white-linen trousers all day long without getting a big blob of jam on the knee or newsprint on her ass within ten minutes.

Ash likes to be spick-and-span. She's eternally hand-washing thongs and scrubbing bra straps in a bid to stay lemon fresh. In contrast, Mikey (or The Real Slim Stinky as I call him) rarely troubles the laundry facilities. Mikey has worn that khaki vest top and shorts ensemble so many times now that it drags itself over to the diary room for a chat all on its own.

"Y'know what, Big Bruvver?" says Ash, "I've got nuffink to lose. I'm probably going on Friday, so I can be as honest as I like." Fasten your seatbelts, we're in for a bumpy ride.

Snoozy is in the kitchen, examining expiry dates on chilled foods and scrubbing stains off the Formica. Susie's reputation in the house hasn't improved all week. The housemates treat her exactly like teenagers treat their mothers. They sigh when Susie speaks and write her off as irrelevant. They laugh at her "fashion" and sneer at her love of an early night and a restorative cuppa.

Likewise, they expect their teas on the table at 6pm and Snoozy to lend a long-suffering ear to their internal angst. Susie's reaction to being up for eviction was fitting, "Oh, well, no more dinners for you, then!" she smiled, employing the well-worn "mum's on strike" threat of mothers across the land. Two hours later, Snoozy was elbow-deep in spuds and carrots, so her little charges would have lined bellies.

The rest of the BB7 house is woken abruptly to the sound of cows mooing. Lea opens her eyes and lets out a groan. "Oh, my god," are her first words of the day, "It'll be a f***in' bad day today, I can feel it in me water." Lea is such fun of a morning. She should star in a remake of that "They're gonna taste great!" sugar-frosted cereal ad with the hyperactive stage school brat; Lea could make an alternative one for terminally depressed people.

I can see her on that cherry picker in the closing scene, making hip-hop hand gestures, singing sadly: "They're gonna taste craaa-p, they're gonna taste craaa-p, I've had so many men hurt me in mi life and now this cereal is letting me down as well." After all, moaning minnies need breakfast cereal, too.

Glyn's mum needs to have to have a little word when he gets out about black pudding. I know convincing toddlers to eat a rudimentary mix of blood, fat and cereal isn't easy and white lies need to be told, but Glyn is 18 now.

Round one of Lea and Ash kicks off rather quickly. "You got a problem with me, Ash?" asks Lea in front of everyone, "Yeah, I have got a problem with you. I'm sick of you manipulating people in here and using emotional blackmail to get what you want," says Ash. Lea is stunned. "Oh, right! I'm manipulative!? Mmmm…well, you wanna learn what the word means before you use it," retorts Lea.

This is a very weak response. Of course Ash knows what "manipulative" means, and even if she were to look it up in the dictionary there'd just be a small picture of a gone-wrong Pammy Anderson rocking demonically with a caption reading "Lea from BB7 manipulating Pete".

Lea is in the diary room, crying and ranting about Ash. "I cannot believe what she has said! How can anyone say something so venomous? What have I done to deserve this!? I have done nothing!" Lea howls and howls. It's quite evident that whenever Lea is challenged in life about her idiotic behaviour, she can dissolve into such a fragile, chaotic state so rapidly and convincingly, that people rarely get the chance to tell her any proper home truths. One direct critical sentence was all this took. The rest of the housemates try and stay neutral.

Lea returns to the house and spends the day ruining the atmosphere for everyone by chuntering away in the background like a DVD commentary by a suicidal director. The housemates win the task and Imogen has a moment of well-deserved glory, marred by Lea making it all about her again.

"Can I have a new black pudding?" Glyn asks Big Brother, "This pudding is out of date." "Leave it on the seat, Glyn. Big Brother will get back to you," says Big Brother. "But will I get a new one?!" Glyn persists, "Cos black pudding, it makes me happy! It is my favourite food! It is the perfect snack!"

I think Glyn's mum needs to have to have a little word when he gets out of BB7 about black pudding. I know convincing toddlers to eat a rudimentary mix of blood, fat and cereal isn't easy and white lies need to be told, but Glyn is 18 now. I wonder if he knows that sausages are made of dead oink-pigs and don't come from sausage trees? Or that Nemo the goldfish didn't "swim off to have fishy adventures in the ocean" two weeks after Glyn won him at Blaenau Ffestiniog carnival, either.

Nikki is having a tantrum again, identifying quite correctly that the cameras love it when she does. Nikki sits by the diary room scrunching up her forehead into a deep, dissatisfied furrow. She looks a lot like a bit-part alien off Star Trek Voyager when the make-up department can't be bothered to do anything flash so they just stick a big trench on the actor's head and give them a spandex outfit.

After another fight between Ash and Lea, the pair eventually speak. Lea goes into default whine cycle, droning through every cliché in the Lea Walker martyr's handbook about how loving, giving, gullible and put-upon she always is. About how she "is who she is and isn't changing for nobody." About "how if she had summfink to say to you she's say it to your f***in' face, not to your back." And this is how people repay Lea for all this faultless, selfless behaviour?! By s****ing on her again! At no point is there a glimmer of self-awareness in Lea about what Ash's gripe is about. Somehow, Ash bites her tongue.

It's like shouting at the moon Ash probably thinks. And anyway, Ash's probably leaving tonight. It's not like she ever has to see Lea again. Is it?

Is raw black pudding the perfect snack food? Mail me on grace.dent@bbc.co.uk.