The devil in Miss Horgan-Wallace

I wish I could shake this irate feeling. I just can't. Am I the only one?

I'm watching Nikki Grahame, bright as a button after spending days 58 to 83 at home, rooting through her huge suitcase full of brand-spanking-new garments with the labels still attached.

Nikki herself doesn't even seem sure what's in the suitcase: "I've got that one in blue, green and yellow, I think," she mutters, picking through a pile of vest tops. Later, Nikki sticks on a plastic tiara and trills "I'm Princess Nikki!" as a spot of pre-publicity for her new E4 reality show.

With less attention being to paid to rules and fairness, and with my confidence in voting heavily marred, the biggest thing keeping me with BB7 is sheer stubbornness. I've been here all summer: that's more than can be said for Nikki. That's 89 days of my life that I'm never getting back. I don't know about you, but I'm not being run out of town by a puffed-up leprechaun giving her finest RADA audition to date.

Nikki, 24, is being a naughty lickle girlie in the kitchen. She speaks in a baby voice and hugs her bestest fwend Wichard, gazing skywards into his face in an insipid manner, before pirouetting into the kitchen. Eventually Nikki is "naughty" and is sent to the naughty seat in the diary room, where she sits scrunching up her face - which appears to be made from elbow skin - at the camera. "I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!" she announces.

I've tried to work out who votes for Nikki: as far as I can see it's schoolgirls who see her as a role model; unsettling men in bi-focal specs and beige trenchcoats who love her child-like exuberance; and confused types who tuned in halfway through, thought it was Celebrity BB, and said: "Bloody hell, little Jimmy Krankie's looking rough, pass me the phone, he needs support!"

"Do you like cuddles? I like cuddles. Do you like cuddles?" burbles Nikki to Pete as they cuddle in bed. "Yes, I like cuddles," says Pete, "I've not had many." "Awwww!" says Nikki. "Well, aside from Lea," Pete continues, forlornly. "And Lisa," Nikki corrects him.

In the kitchen, Jennie, who cuddled Pete from day 62 until day 86 when Pete dropped her, stands making a cup of tea, staring out of the window. She's probably thinking of the time they performed A Midsummer Night's Dream together, or the time during the Big Brother prison task when she was so glad to see Pete return that she hugged him for days.

Big Brother sets a "dance routine" task. Dickie is choreographer. Everyone's quite willing, but there's a cloud surrounding Ash today; she started out quite chipper, but as the day progresses she's getting quite short at times. "Ash is being sulky!" smiles Richard. "Yeah, she's being funny with Jennie!" says Nikki.

I see no real evidence of her being sulky with Jennie. But I know that being stuck with the endless gurgling love-athon that is Dickie and Nikki right now would make me quite grumpy. The way he acts as "daddy" for her, indulging her child persona, makes me heave.

"But Wwwwitchard, will Petey Pumpkin come back fwom the diawery woom soooon?" sing-songs Nikki, wrapping her arms around Richard's torso and dancing from foot to foot. "Now, now, little girlie, don't you worry. Petey Pumpkin is just having a little talk with Big Brother. He'll be back soon. I promise you!" says Richard, patting her little head.

No wonder Ash just stands in the middle of it all smoking a fag, wearing an immovable hard-ass expression like Bet Lynch just after slinging Terry Duckworth out of the Rovers.

The girls wear neon mini-dresses, the boys put on plum-coloured velour trousers and skin-tight black crop tops. Glyn tries a variety of macho swaggers to make the outfit look less camp, but he still looks like Julian Clary en route to EuroPride to take part in the all-man Singa-Longa-Kylie. Ash joins in with the dancing for a while, but her heart doesn't seem to be in it. The highlights show tries to make this into a bit of a drama, but in reality it isn't. They pass the task.

"Ash was being funny with Jennie, did you see?!" says Nikki. "No, I didn't see that!" says Richard. Neither did the cameras, as you'd think this would make the highlights show. Damn, the producers are going to have to try a lot harder to keep this Ash-as-villain storyline up. It's beginning to look a bit lame.

No wonder Ash just stands smoking a fag, wearing an immovable hard-ass expression like Bet Lynch just after slinging Terry Duckworth out of the Rovers

They've done the "focusing closely on Ash's face whenever people speak" and "making an evil storyline out of her changing her shoes during the dance task", we even saw Ash "stirring things", by quite rightfully stating that Grace Adams-Short's love for Mikey wasn't exactly sincere when she was in the house.

This is true: Grace told anyone who would listen that she was going to "chill things down, babes" with Mikey and it was nothing serious. I suppose this all changed when Mikey had an extra 50 days of primetime TV exposure, became very famous and the magazine deals began pouring in.

"Ash is sighing a lot today," says Richard. "Yeah, like this!" says Nikki, letting out a long heartfelt sigh, a bit like the one I do every time I think about all money people gave in good will to remove her. "Yeah, and she did that look!" says Richard, "Do the look, Nikki!" Nikki does the look.

Can I suggest, Endemol, if you need to make Ash look Satanic, you need to get out the big guns. How about playing a sneak slide-trombone whenever she appears? Just like her companion-in-darkness the Hooded Claw from Penelope Pitstop? Or what about filming her in the garden smoking a fag, but focus right in on her narrowing eyes, then super-impose lighting forks cracking behind her head to signify the devil honouring his own?

Or maybe just do what you did to Susie Verrico: take some footage of her talking about something boring like the lack of milk, then slow it down to a possessed growl?! Above all, please do make sure that Davina sounds really spiky and incensed during Ash's interview and asks questions like: "Why did you bully, intimidate and manipulate poor, defenceless Nikki by calling her 'boring' once on day 43, then apologising?", or "Why did you bother entering Big Brother?! You must have been desperate - ha, were you?!"

Glyn dyes his hair ginger accidentally then celebrates by getting drunk beyond belief. He runs into the bedroom and play-attacks Pete, who quite frankly deserves to be admonished in some way as he is wearing the world's least attractive grey baggy boxer shorts that begin somewhere below his nipples. I cannot rule out that they were a parting gift from ex-housemate Michael. I've seen that stainage somewhere before.

Nikki and Pete are in bed. Pete is trying to sleep, but Nikki has a few more theatrical scenes to get through. "You're so spesssshhhel, Pete. You're like a little baby. So spessssshhhhhhel. Like a lickkkle baby! So speshhhhel! Like a bay-beeee!" she sing-songs. "Can you hear me, Pete?" Nikki says. Pete says very little.

Oh, he's going to rue the day he ever encouraged this one, mark my words. "Can you hear me, Pete?!" says Nikki again, her voice getting ever so slightly narky.

"I can hear you, Nikki!" shouts Richard. There are three people in this relationship, but Princess Nikki doesn't mind at all, it's all extra attention.

In a nearby bed, Ash closes her eyes and falls asleep, one step closer to finale night.

I hope she's dreaming of taking the £100,000, because there's a small chance she may well just grab it.

Are you speeeeshhhhel like a lickle bay-beee? Mail me on grace.dent@bbc.co.uk.