BLOGS
Demons
- Posted at 2:50pm
- 08 January 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I tried very hard to think of Demons as enjoyable hokum. It's not aimed at me, I thought, because I am not 13 and I don't believe monsters exist in suburban London, or suburban anywhere for that matter.
Well, I've given up, in the face of overwhelming evidence that Demons simply isn't very good. I could just about go along with its premise - a middle-aged demon-hunter seeks out his godson, who is the last of the Van Helsing clan of vampire-killers - if only it was well-written and even scary.
But it isn't. The thrills...
Waterloo Road/Above Suspicion
- Posted at 12:40pm
- 02 January 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
It's that time of year again, when the Worshipful Order of TV Editors holds its annual coach outing to Malham Tarn, a delightful part of the world, dear readers, and beloved destination of many a geography O-level school field trip during my feckless youth.
We have a high old time, acting out scenes from our favourite series among the glories of the Yorkshire Dales, and I'm in charge of this bit of the agenda this year, so we will be re-creating key moments from Bonekickers. The choice is bountiful, but I might get us all to pretend...
Apparitions
- Posted at 1:22pm
- 19 December 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I wasn't sure at first, but I rather grew to like Apparitions (previously Thursdays, BBC1). Yes, it was as daft as a whole cupboard full of brushes. But it had the courage of its convictions and obviously believed in itself.
In case you missed it – and you probably did, viewing figures were pretty poor – Apparitions featured Martin Shaw as an exorcist priest, Father Jacob, whose faith was tested every week by demons. Yes, yes, I know it sounds silly and I suppose it was preposterous, but it had its moments, some of them unnecessarily gory...
Wallander
- Posted at 3:50pm
- 09 December 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
The time has come and I can't put it off any longer. I have to go Christmas shopping with dour Swedish detective Kurt Wallander…
The brightly lit shopping mall is alive with coloured lights. A children's choir is singing and someone is handing out free mince pies.
Wallander stands still, and stares into space. I look at him: "Kurt, you'd feel better if you had a shave. Why are you always so scruffy?"
He doesn't look at me as he replies. "Shave? What is the point of shaving because I will die. You will...
Spooks
- Posted at 5:10pm
- 04 December 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
Phew! Spooks, eh? Blimey. Wasn't episode seven (Monday 1 December, BBC1) a corker? In fact, hasn't this been the best ever series? I've always been a fan, but suddenly Spooks seems to have grown up into a beautifully polished, clever, adult drama that's just so flipping exciting.
We're not terribly good at TV thrillers here, a genre that's historically been the province of the Americans. I feel this is due to British TV's tiresome pursuit of "characterisation" at the expense of story and plot.
We always have to have a "message" too - just look at...
Survivors
- Posted at 5:20pm
- 02 December 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
The disparate group of men and women emerged, blinking, into the light. Though their surroundings were familiar, something had changed. An older woman spoke first.
"We must stick together, because we're the only surviving stereotypes in prime-time television drama. Just look around you. It's all reality shows, costume dramas, spy thrillers and a damaged Swedish detective who doesn't shave. We're the only predictable TV archetypes left on the planet."
Everyone paused. Just what had happened? How could it have come to this? The older woman spoke again. "We are the survivors and it is up...
Gory dramas
- Posted at 1:30pm
- 26 November 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
Pass me that gown and those wellingtons will you, please, I'm about to watch some telly. While you're at it, a pair of goggles might not go amiss. How about protecting the living room carpet with a few old newspapers? And some plastic sheeting on the sofa, maybe?
I'm making a fuss, because watching mainstream dramas recently has had what I can only describe as a certain abattoir dimension. Blood, dear readers, is everywhere. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with that, but when did things get so very, very gory, with extreme, graphic, gagging violence?
No...
Stay in for X Factor, Lead Balloon and more…
- Posted at 5:30pm
- 21 November 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I've developed a minor fixation with the X Factor choreographer Brian Friedman, the man with the impeccable eyebrows and the assiduously tended beard-ette; the man who doesn't have a good word to say for anyone.
In those little video inserts in every show, Brian is very fond of conjuring up doom-laden scenarios for the ill-dressed X Factor contestants before they come pattering on to the stage. "If Daniel/Rachel/JLS/whoever loses confidence, they will fall headfirst into a vat of boiling oil/spiral into the deepest pits of Hell/be dragged across hot coals by evil elves."
It's...
Spooks v Little Dorrit
- Posted at 1:35pm
- 13 November 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
Recently, and rather regretfully, I expressed to a close colleague my lack of interest in Little Dorrit. Not because there's anything wrong with Little Dorrit, but because I'm not a Charles Dickens fan either in print or on television. I had the same problem with the much-lauded Bleak House adaptation.
This is possibly down to a formative brush with the indigestible Hard Times, which after the third reading made me want to go out and buy a mill to exploit the lower classes just as soon as I could afford my first loom.
After making...
The Bill's DCI Jack Meadows
- Posted at 1:10pm
- 05 November 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I realise that confessing to My Secret TV Crush means that it will be My Secret TV Crush no longer. But The Bill's 25th birthday would seem to offer the perfect time for me to step daintily into the limelight to declare my devotion to Detective Chief Inspector Jack Meadows.
Of course, I must make it clear that Meadows doesn't come close to The One, that most perfect of men, Scott from Thunderbirds (I'm still here, Scott, just waiting for you to call). But, until the glorious day when I seize the overnight bag I've...
A Touch of Frost
- Posted at 5:20pm
- 23 October 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
We're all doomed. Nothing to do with the global financial meltdown, but with Kerry Katona. The gurning former Atomic Kitten, who appears to labour under the illusion that she's a much-loved public figure, is currently screeching her way through her latest TV ad campaign for a certain frozen food supermarket chain.
With her "friend", the shrieking Katona is seen lurching through the serried ranks of mega-freezers, both alighting gleefully on new products. And - this is the point where the world tilts off its axis - her friend picks up a box and announces, "Look, this is new:...
Little Britain USA
- Posted at 4:05pm
- 16 October 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
Can you hear that sound? It's the final nails being hammered into the coffin of Little Britain with the truly dismal Little Britain USA.
It's pitiful stuff, something I say more in sorrow than in anger (though I am a little bit angry). I've loved Little Britain since it began life on Radio 4 and the first BBC TV series remains one of my all-time comedy favourites, a treasure-trove of fantastic characters and some brilliant catchphrases. So thank you, Matt Lucas and David Walliams.
But it's instructive to look at the progression of Little...
Twiggy's Frock Exchange
- Posted at 3:50pm
- 09 October 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I'll start this week's column with an admission - there's a strong chance I missed quite a bit of Twiggy's Frock Exchange (Tuesday 7 October, 8:00pm, BBC2) because I had my fingers in my ears AND my hands over my eyes.
It was a painful and excruciating hour of witlessness that made me embarrassed for womankind. I wouldn't blame a single man watching for thinking that we are all squealing ninnies who would lop off an ear lobe for a chance to own a Matthew Williamson dress.
Mr Williamson himself actually appeared on the show, during...
Inspector Morse
- Posted at 2:27pm
- 25 September 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
You have to hand it to the people at ITV3 - they've taken their inestimable back catalogue of aged detective dramas, and fashioned a whole "season" out of them. And just in case you think they've got a nerve in bombarding us with creaky whodunnits for no particular reason, the channel shoehorns in that magical word "awards" to make it appear just a wee bit more shiny and up to date.
Actually, I'm being mean here, because the Crime Thriller Awards season (Mondays, ITV3) is great fun if you're a crime nerd like me. I can...
Place of Execution
- Posted at 6:15pm
- 18 September 2008
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I don't have any time for people who witter on about there never being "anything worth watching" on the telly. The statement itself is rubbish and what makes it worse is that it's generally uttered by bores who add the all-important rider: "…apart from Newsnight and The West Wing. Oh, and I LOVE The Sopranos. And have you seen The Wire - it's brilliant…"
What they are really saying here is "push off, peasants, watch your soaps and your X Factor and your Strictly Come Dancing. I am...
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