Radio Times

EastEnders

Had Nick Cotton put as much effort into making an honest living as he has into tormenting Dot, he'd be E20's answer to Richard Branson by now - or, at the very least, a rougher Ian Beale. In this respect, Nick is a lot like Wile E Coyote, who spent inordinate sums on schemes to trap Road Runner when he could have just spent the money on a really nice dinner instead. For Nick, though, as for Coyote, it's never really been about the end, it's been about the means. The chase.

But with robotic Dotty's resolve faltering and Bradley and Syd's concern complicating his murderous plan,...

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The BBC has revealed that 21-year-old Karen Gillan will be the lucky companion joining Eleventh Doctor Matt Smith in the Tardis when the next full series of Doctor Who starts next spring.

As she prepares to begin filming this summer, a clearly enthusiastic Gillan said, "I am absolutely over the moon at being chosen to play the Doctor's new companion. The show is such a massive phenomenon that I can't quite believe I am going to be a part of it.

"Matt Smith is an incredible actor and it is going to be so much fun to act alongside him - I...

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It's always galling when a major broadcaster loses interest in one of your favourites so they ditch it completely, give it to a channel you can't get or move it around to the point that you need a team of sniffer dogs and a powerful torch to find it again.

You know what I mean - you stick with a show, you enjoy it and look forward to it. All right, it might be showing signs of weariness, but, hey, we television viewers are nothing if not loyal until the rug is pulled out from under our feet and we sit there on the floor, nursing bruised...

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Offer me a device that lets me eat a big load of chips without getting fat and I'll bite your hand off (especially if you happen to be holding a chip at the time). So when Lorraine and Howard appeared on a TV shopping channel to sell just such an item I was sure they'd picked a winner.

So was Sir Alan - it was the pitch he was less convinced by. Lorraine and Howard got so carried away talking about, and eating, chips (I can empathise) that they forgot to hammer home the price of the low-fat fryer and how to get hold of one....

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Britain's Got Talent judge Piers Morgan - who described singer Susan Boyle as "our very own Rocky" - talked to RT about some of the key battles the phenomenon has thrown up.

The people v Britain's Got Talent

"People need to bear in mind that we are trying to produce good television… I think the whole debate about 'truth in television' has gone way too far. A show like ours… is all about entertainment, and in the end you have to have a sense of realism about that."

"But I do think it's important for the integrity of BGT that the public...

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Consider this: we live in a world where the risible Two Pints of Lager… exists and where the uniquely brilliant Pulling doesn't. Not any more, anyway, not since it was axed by BBC3, home of Two Pints. Even the baffling Ideal is still rumbling along on the same channel. Why?

But Pulling was allowed a swan song, an hour-long special (on 17 May). In this case special means "last one ever", an unpalatable fact made all the more difficult to swallow by the announcer, who did the introduction and called it "home-grown comedy genius". Rub it in, why don't you?

Pulling, in case you've never seen it, and...

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"Aw, did you see Peter Andre in Katie & Peter Stateside? Peter wrote a lovely song for his stepson Harvey, the lyrics were something about Harvey making him a dad before he became a father. Or it could have been a father before he became a dad…"

It was at this point that I could see the thunderstruck expressions starting to take shape on my friends' faces. One close colleague shook her head and said, pityingly, "No, Alison. This has to stop."

She's right, of course, but what can I say, my once mild obsession with Katie & Peter Stateside has turned into a...

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We found out this week that James has experienced childbirth (though not first-hand, of course) and knows all about the mechanics of popping one out. Not only did he give a demonstration in a home birthing pool, complete with moans and grunts (his wife will be thanking him for his sensitive depiction of her on national television), he also went into extensive anatomical detail.

Personally, I could have done without all the talk of pelvic bones opening up and babies "jumping out" (and by the look on his face, so could Nick), but I can see that if you were an expectant mum about to expel something...

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Hollyoaks
With the approach of summer - or, at least, the months when summer used to be - thoughts may turn to catching up with old friends over a barbecue or else to escape, perhaps, to warmer climes. Curiously - and where in Soapland is life curiouser than in Hollyoaks? - these two considerations coincide as Warren, wilting under the pressure of the hate campaign against him, decides to depart. Before he goes, though, he has one last plot to ignite: the razing of the Loft. And, marshmallows at the ready, who better to coerce into setting the inferno than Justin, whose reluctance to do so can be...

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In the latest issue of Radio Times (23–29 May), Michael Parkinson has attacked what he calls "today's witless programming".

Mourning the cancellation of Melvyn Bragg's ITV1 arts series The South Bank Show after two decades, Parkinson lampoons the broadcaster's reliance on celebrity-driven shows, suggesting that any future arts programming might include:

"The likes of Kerry Katona, Jordan and Cheryl Cole creating the necessary link between the ITV audience and, let's say, Jane Eyre on Ice, or Simon Cowell's opera, Robson and Jerome: My Part in Their Downfall, or Al Murray investigating the wonder of chromosomes in a talent show called The Y...

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Coronation Street

Fiz by name and bubbly by nature, is there a sweeter soul in all of Weatherfield than the selfless Miss Brown? (Emily Bishop notwithstanding, obviously.) While others bicker, whine and bemoan their lot - we mean you, Julie Carp - Fiz soldiers on with dignity, as her attempts to home-school Chesney demonstrate.

But even this paragon of stoicism has desires beyond a barm cake and pint at lunchtime, so should anyone begrudge her love? Even if that love is for teacher-turned- felon John Stape… (Some might say he did the world a favour by kidnapping Rosie Webster.) We're about to find out as, fretting over Fiz's odd...

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Before I begin, let's get one thing straight - series three of Ashes to Ashes is not a done deal. Everything is in place apart from one tiny, crucial detail - it has yet to be recommissioned.

I'd miss Ashes to Ashes if it didn't return, but then, I won't rend any garments if it fails to reappear, because I'm unconvinced the series has much more life left in it.

I'm enjoying bits of series two and have warmed to Detective Inspector Alex Drake (Keeley Hawes) now that her shrieking, screamingly annoying series one personality has been toned down. I like, too, her mutually respectful professional...

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"Daaaaaaaan to Margate," sang Chas and Dave, "we'll have a pill of jellied eels at the cockle stall." Rousing indeed. But that antiquated view of the seaside town was exactly what the officials of Margate were hoping to dispel when they turned to Sir Alan Sugar for help in "re-branding" the holiday destination.

So, what would Sir Alan's top people come up with? James convinced Empire to pursue the pink pound. As he put it, "I'm inclined towards the gay option." It seemed like a reasonable strategy. After all, Brighton's done well out of it. And, as Howard noted later, "Where gays lead, many others follow."...

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Eurovision remains the world's most watched non-sporting TV event, with figures estimated as high as 600 million. This year, the BBC expects even more than last year's 9.3 million to tune in and all eyes will be on new host Graham Norton to see if he can keep us as entertained as Wogan used to do. RT asked Graham about a big night for him - and, just maybe, the rest of the country…

How will your presenting style compare with that of former host Terry Wogan?

"Terry was a master at taking the rise out of terrible contestants. Trust me, I'll be...

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What's tipping the balance in the UK's favour this year?

1. The Lloyd Webber factor

Eurovision expert Barry Viniker says, "The last seven winners have all delivered performances rooted in ethnic traditions, whether it be Turkish belly dancers or Greek folk instrumentation. Traditionally, the UK excels at musical theatre. In turning to Andrew Lloyd Webber, we're conforming to a Eurovision-winning formula."

2. National pride

According to Eurovision veteran Dana, who won for Ireland in 1970, the UK has regained its Eurovision pride this year and this could prove decisive. "If an artist feels their country is behind them, they're likely...

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