Saturday 21 November

BLOGS

blogCategory
Previous
Back to blog
Next

The X Factor: week eleven

X Factor contestants John and Edward
  • Posted at 12:25pm
  • 02 November 2009
  • by JackSeale-RT
  • 11 comments

Leather, eyeliner, innuendo and metallic accessories: it's rock week!

Come Together by the Beatles was Olly's song, surprisingly billed as one of Simon Cowell's favourites. Perhaps Simon secretly loves fractured, counterculture whimsy, or perhaps it's just one of his fave melodies from his "Best of the Beatles" cassette.

Olly made gestures underlining the single entendre in the title, and chased the randy-nan vote by tearing his shirt open, suavely pulling off this manoeuvre after only a few seconds of fumbling. The way he gritted his teeth was just on the right side of the line between arousal and constipation. Phwwwoar!

Jamie growled Rocks by Primal Scream. The original is already a Harley-Davidson with stabiliser wheels, but The X Factor censored it. "Clap just keeps a-itchin'" was struck out, but "Johnny ain't so crazy, he's always got a line for the ladies" wasn't. Did they miss the druggy double meaning, or do they think cocaine is less morally corrosive than gonorrhoea? Jamie further confused the issue by camply miming a cigarette.

The lady judges had their rock chic on. Cheryl Cole, after the success of her fascist-aerobics outfit a fortnight ago, overstretched and lost the fashion battle with Dannii Minogue. Dannii normally has to sit next to a younger, prettier, better-dressed version of herself, stuck in a live-action Picture of Dorian Gray. But now, her diamanté cobweb dress lorded it over Cheryl's neck brace and spanner sets.

Fun as it was, at no point did rock week rock. Joe had the right idea, choosing Don't Stop Believin' by Journey, which already has the air of operatic romance he tries to give everything. Lovely Dagenham Stacey suited the flopsy-mopsy piano-rock of Keane. Lucie got it completely wrong, looking like a lumberjack's wayward daughter and wibbling all round Guns N' Roses.

Danyl had spent the week buffeted by scurrilous headlines that would banjax anyone's mojo: DANYL IS A "BULLY"; DANYL IS "MOST HATED" CONTESTANT; DANYL "LAUGHED AS HE CUT NOSE OFF PONY" etc. They got him the sympathy vote. Even his uncomfortable self-pity couldn't stop it.

John and Edward pleased fans of both True Blood and Autumnwatch by dressing as vampire badgers, and nobody can make a complete toad's breakfast of a song like them: they were a whole bar early for the second chorus of We Will Rock You. (The backing singers were on tape and refused to adjust.)

But the twins are waning, and need to do something newly horrific to keep our interest. Replicating into four would be ideal. Or, since the one on the right gets further behind with the choreography each week, maybe his brother could identify him as a parasite and eat him.

Tiny Lloyd's stupid version of I Kissed a Girl finally put him in the bottom two but, on Sunday, a sore throat that made him sing even more quietly (and equally out of tune) still didn't send him out. Rachel was always too mature and articulate to win public favour - she's verging on middle class! Yuk! She sang well, as if that matters, and went home.

Link to this post
Post a comment | 11 comments

Comments

  • Posted on 09 November 2009
  • at 2:40pm
  • by WyattEarp

"... perhaps it's just one of his fave melodies from his "Best of the Beatles" cassette."

Ha ha ha ha ha.

  • Posted on 08 November 2009
  • at 9:59pm
  • by Loobs

I have just watched the x factor result show and am absolutely disgusted at the conduct of Simon Cowell. As far as I am concerned the show is just a fix. Simon after villifying the twins for weeks chooses to let the public vote. He has not only broken the rules 2 x but is also petrified that a truly gifted singer will win so he does what he did tonite. I for one am no longer going to watch x factor on principle and I would ask all other viewers to switch off for a week. I wonder how far his arrogance will get him when the show ratings fall dramatically. Perhaps then we could watch a show that is about the singers and not Sinon Cowells ego.

  • Posted on 08 November 2009
  • at 9:07pm
  • by Rosie125

Simon Cowwell wouldn't know talent if it hit him in the face. He always goes on about how much he hates J&E and yet he doesn't put them out tonught? Its all about publicity now, not the music. Well i'm not watching the show anymore. Simon Cowell should move abroad because hes ruined his career and all self respect for himself.Cya x

  • Posted on 06 November 2009
  • at 7:07pm
  • by Dave

Anyone who accepts that the twins provide entertainment value, must be watching a different show to me. I think they should do a John Sergeant, and withdraw (un)gracefully. If they actually win in the end, then TV audience participation should be stopped, since it is obvious that the vast majority of the public are moronic couch potatoes, and should be stopped from procreating. Enough said - I want Lucy to win, although I would have preferred Rachel.

  • Posted on 05 November 2009
  • at 1:13pm
  • by MazY

In a bizarre and twisted sense, I would like to see the twins win. It will perhaps highlight just what a nonsense this programme has become. If you count the minutes of each show that are actually dedicated to the hopefuls, you quickly appreciate that it is as much about providing a platform for the four judges to continue their celebrity-chasing as it is about the acts.

While I'm thinking about it, is there an appeal or anywhere that we can donate to, in order to get Dermot O'Leary a suit that fits him?

  • Posted on 05 November 2009
  • at 7:55am
  • by steve

heaven forbid that the twins should multiply, two of them are bad enough. to be honest, as bad as they are, they should have been voted off weeks ago and save us from the horror they put us through every week. simon was right to call the the horror.

  • Posted on 04 November 2009
  • at 9:03pm
  • by Paul

Has anyone else noticed Simon Cowell's poor grasp of English? Over the past few weeks we've been subjected to several of the non-existent "undoubtably", and the crowning glory, worthy of George W. Bush, "I really think I might have misunderestimated you."

Oh well - no one gets it right all the time - even Simon!

  • Posted on 04 November 2009
  • at 10:06am
  • by apricot

Simon bottled it big time. Clearly Rachel was head and shoulders above Lloyd, but the big haired one preferred to curry favour with Cheryl by effectively saving her act. Love the blog.

  • Posted on 03 November 2009
  • at 6:47pm
  • by spaniels

genius as usual. Although the thought of the twins multiplying any further is a little too disturbing for my liking

  • Posted on 02 November 2009
  • at 3:31pm
  • by Jim

Is this a childrens show or what

  • Posted on 02 November 2009
  • at 1:42pm
  • by Toomuchbread

Oh you are killing me with this blog...it's just too funny...I can't stand it...make it stop! No don't stop. Seriously don't. I need my weekly fix. When this blog is posted it gets circulated by the head of department to all staff for Monday mood lifting purposes!

Post a comment

Do you have something to say about this post? Share your thoughts…

Post a comment

(first or nickname only)

Please do not include any personal or personally identifiable information about yourself or others (including email addresses). All information you submit about yourself or others can be viewed by others.

Thank you for your comment

Thank you for your comments. All comments will be looked at by a moderator, however, due to the numbers of comments we receive, we can't promise that all will be posted on the site.

Post another comment

More


Advertisement