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Joan Collins Does Glamour

Joan Collins
  • Posted at 4:59pm
  • 15 October 2009
  • by DavidButcher-RT
  • 7 comments

When Joan Collins first met her victims in ITV1's one-off makeover show Joan Does Glamour (13 October), there was a moment when she worried they might not recognise her. But honestly, how could they not?

Her Joan Collinsness shines from every powdered pore, it radiates from every thread of her big cream trouser suits and swirly silk blouses. She's spent decades ensuring she looks more and more glowingly like herself. Now she has decided she wants the rest of Britain looking like her, too.

Hence the makeover show, where she set out to bring "the lost art of glamour" back to Britain. "People have become sloppy and lazy," she tutted, sitting in a throne-like chair and looking like Snow White's stepmum.

"Fashion icon" (really?) Joan then travelled to Plymouth in a chauffeur-driven Bentley to prod and patronise three generations of women from the Littlefair family, a charming bunch with a complete lack of vanity.

Joan was soon dishing out Olympic-class condescension ("You've all got, you know, great potential…"), making it clear they were bad, lazy people for not wearing make-up. She kept reminding me of the kind of hectoring granny who tells you how to tie your tie properly and rubs your cheek with a licked hanky.

There were hints that ITV might be hoping this format could make a series, but the programme itself must surely have put paid to that, with its curious air of a Trinny and Susannah show styled by Ferrero Rocher.

No wonder at one point Mary Littlefair's patience went. "I don't think Joan Collins actually lives in…" she was about to say "the real world" but paused and said "…my real world", so displaying more tact and grace than Joan managed in the whole programme.

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Comments

  • Posted on 05 November 2009
  • at 7:21pm
  • by Welshgold

Well she is doing great for 75......still sexy

  • Posted on 25 October 2009
  • at 12:52pm
  • by Angelbobs!

Haha, these comments could only be expected from Radio Times readers! up the ITV! Yay! ;-)

  • Posted on 21 October 2009
  • at 10:30pm
  • by Max

This program pretty much sums up the sad and sorry state that ITV finds itself in. I cannot believe someone thought this was a worthy program when it was comissioned.

  • Posted on 16 October 2009
  • at 2:30pm
  • by miriyo

This show was hilarious. I hope they do make it a series. I just love Joan and it had the feel of one of those Victoria Wood real-life sketch parodies about it.

I did actually think the grandma looked great at the end.

  • Posted on 16 October 2009
  • at 1:01pm
  • by Devongirl

Well I haven't laughed so much in ages - sadly poor Joan is very out of touch with real life and I don't think Gok would have approved of her choices for the victims.

It did make me laugh a lot though - so for entertainment value alone it was worth it. I think she should quit now though before it's too late!

  • Posted on 16 October 2009
  • at 11:35am
  • by Viv

I do wonder what she looks like under three inches of makeup? Life is too short for nonsense like this!

  • Posted on 15 October 2009
  • at 6:19pm
  • by MazY

I never watched it, but seriously, how dire must the state of British television have become for someone to see this concept as a good idea?

Take someone who has, I assume, millions in the bank, wardrobes of designer clothing, and access to enough make-up artists to make any drag artist go green with envy, and let them dictate how the woman on the street can look good too. Don't women get tired of being told how they can supposedly look 'better' all the time?

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