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The week in soapland

Kevin (Michael Le Vell) and Molly (Vicky Binns) in Coronation Street
  • Posted at 5:00pm
  • 28 August 2009
  • by GarethMcLean-RT
  • 3 comments

Coronation Street

Roll up, roll up - it's fairground time! I know what you're thinking: isn't every day a festival in Weatherfield? With the choice of freak shows ("Witness widow Maria fall into the arms of her husband's killer!"), the various houses of horror ("See Demon David Platt and his incredible performing eyebrows!"), and the men who look as if they've left the waltzers unattended (yes, you, Peter Barlow), you could be forgiven for thinking that all the fun of the fair was to be had on the cobbles in perpetuity.

Were we to play Pin the Tail on the Adulterer, we would run out of pins - and end up with a shoal of goldfish we didn't really want. But the fête to which I refer isn't the usual pageant of misery. A charity affair organised by Claire - rumours that it's a fundraiser to buy her a personality are totally unfounded - this jamboree sees the likes of Rita running a cakes stall, Graeme manning a barbecue, and Steve and Becky purveying a variety of alcoholic beverages.

In essence, everyone does what they usually do, only outside. Naturally, chaos ensues. Of course, with everyone running a stall, who on earth will frequent them?

Certainly not Kevin and Molly, otherwise engaged in athletic endeavours, or Norris, who receives bad tidings regarding Ramsay. And Norris thought his bunions gave him gip.

EastEnders

Zainab is in such dire straits at the prospect of being a mum again in her 40s, the redoubtable Mrs Masood has turned to Amira for support. She's that desperate.

Zainab, though, is nowhere near as distressed as Lucas, when his unpredictable relationship with the capricious Trina takes a terrible turn up at the allotments. Haemophobics look away now.

Emmerdale

Despite having a relationship that resembles Katie's underwear - more off than on - Chas and Carl, some might say, are meant to be together.

That Aaron isn't among those people should make the pair's imminent romantic collision all the more explosive, and almost as ill-advised as drunken Nathan's foray into car theft. Would now be a good time to mention that Carl's been involved in the deaths of four people? Thought not.

Elsewhere, rivalries swell as Terry locks horns with Pollard and Val at the B&B, and Ashley almost comes to blows with Vincent over the cricket tournament. Nothing to do with Sally, I'm sure.

Hollyoaks

Of all the Hollyoakers who warrant a smack in the mouth, Ravi Roy is actually one of the least deserving.

Typical, then, that he's on the receiving end of a punch that could prove fatal. That it's delivered by one of his nearest and dearest after Bel and Gov learn of his streetfighting ways only makes it more agonising.

Also agonising are Jacqui's efforts to track down Max, Carmel's bid to return to school and Theresa's adventures in glamour modelling. Put 'em away, love…

The Archers

by Alison Graham

Wayne Tucson, a newcomer to the pantheon of Ambridge's useless men - come on in Wayne, there's always room for one more - continues to rile Sid as he overstays his welcome at The Bull.

Not that there's anything wrong with riling Sid, who is a charmless, nasty piece of work, but then Wayne himself is no Roger Moore. Or so you might think, though he somehow manages to get into the good books of the mysterious Freda, The Bull's silent cook.

Wayne is a big hit with Freda, who suggests that he might want to work in the kitchen regularly. As Freda never says a word, it's hard to know how she communicated this wish. By Aldis lamp, perhaps, or by constructing elaborate semaphore signals on the village green using husband Bert's knickers?

Wayne has been a rotten dad to Fallon, one of Ambridge's more decent and sensible inhabitants, so fingers-crossed he won't be sticking around, even if Freda does need someone to fry the fish fingers.

Another bad dad is that querulous, preachy old bore Jim Lloyd. This intellectual snob, this bombastic Latin-spouting mountebank becomes irrationally jealous of Phil's closeness to weird Daniel, grandchild of them both. Thus Jim begins a childish quest to claim Daniel's attention, which worries Shula. She should throw the old geezer down a slurry pit and do us all a favour.

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Comments

  • Posted on 22 September 2009
  • at 4:52pm
  • by Win

I totally agree with Marys comments. I am fed up with Coronation Street being pushed out because of a football match!! It has already been moved from the traditional Wednesday evening to Thursday. How long do we have to put up with this treatment of our much loved soap. Emmerdale and Eastenders always seem to keep their slot!!

  • Posted on 30 August 2009
  • at 12:59am
  • by norma

Gareth is entirely my idea of a soap reviewer, keep it up and keep that tongue firmly in the cheek

  • Posted on 29 August 2009
  • at 4:10pm
  • by mary

Why was there no Coronation Street on Friday because of a football match in which no British teams were playing. Millions of viewers watch the programme on Fridays andI for one feel insulted that ITV takes us for granted like this. Anyone else agree?

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