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The week in soapland

Steve (Simon Gregson) and Becky (Katherine Kelly) in Coronation Street
  • Posted at 12:16pm
  • 07 August 2009
  • by GarethMcLean-RT
  • 1 comment

Coronation Street

Here comes the bride. Again. And this time, beautiful, bolshie Becky is determined she won't scupper her nuptials by getting legless beforehand.

Instead, she's invited Jim, who'll likely do that for her. Actually, Jim is the least of her and Steve's concerns - and I'm not referring to Liz's outfit, or that she's brought Andy back from Spain, or indeed that Steve and Becky have entrusted Eddie Windass to make the cake.

Rather it's the culmination of Hooch's plan to frame the bride that rains on her parade. And what rain it is. Torrential, truth be told.

There's always someone who pulls focus from the bride at a wedding, isn't there? In fact, such are the shenanigans that Maria and Tony becoming a couple barely merits a mention, never mind an "ohmygoodnessyoumustbetotallymad" reaction.

Ding-dong! That's either church bells or an alarm of some sort. Or possibly a siren.

EastEnders

Either Peggy's been at the gin or else she's high on hairspray. How else to explain her decision to hold a speed-dating night at the Vic?

Does she not think that Ronnie, Roxy and Ricky have enough hassle in their love lives? Is Ronnie's obsession with Joel not worrying enough without also unleashing her niece on the neighbours? The fourth horseman of the Apocalypse busy, was he? (Actually, that horseman, better known as Archie, is over at the car lot antagonising Darren.)

Meanwhile, Ryan causes trouble for Ian, Charlie sets his eyes on a faraway horizon, and a mystery man calls for Dot. Mr Papadopolous, is that really you? And how would we know?

Emmerdale

With Lexi unable to take more of Nicola's new role as a mum and Carl choosing precisely the wrong time to start being honest, Mark's paternal instincts are called further into question when he yet again plots to rid the village of Ryan. Charmed, I'm sure.

Having failed to vanquish Faye, Mark engineers a job for his secret son in, of all places, Dubai. Couldn't the wooden Mr Wylde just have left Ryan buried in the farm shop rubble and be done with it?

Meanwhile, Hannah's crush on Andy becomes a source of much amusement to the Bartons. One suspects that smiles will be wiped off faces shortly.

Hollyoaks

Usually, it's long-lost children who turn up and cause ructions in Soapland. Thanks to Leila - why has no-one told her, by the way, that pigtails only really work on Alpine milkmaids? - Elliot comes face to face with his long-estranged dad, Gareth. With a name like that, I'm sure he's delightful.

Less than delightful is Daniel, whose plan to pluck Lucas from Ste's spindly arms is compromised by Abi's growing fondness for the teenage dad and his baby. Don't you hate it when that happens?

The Archers

by Alison Graham

As Lilian continues to buoy herself up on a tide of gin, Jolene decides to intervene by throwing the silly woman a life raft by asking: why doesn't she become more involved with the running of The Bull?

As Sid helpfully points out, the last time Lilian tried to get involved in the business (which, let us not forget, part-belongs to her) it went horribly badly and a furious Jolene ended up wanting to wear Lilian's intestines as a necklace.

Meanwhile, Vicky, the Comedy Working-Class Woman, continues to smother all opposition like a cheaply perfumed tank. And she's looking forward to her second honeymoon with her poor sap of a husband Mike. All she knows about this supposedly extra-special trip is that a boat is involved.

Vicky fantasises about distant lands but it's unlikely her dreamy expectations will be fulfilled as her husband is as romantic as a corn plaster. I'm hoping for The Poseidon Adventure. I'd love to think of Vicky climbing an upside-down Christmas tree, just like Shelley Winters did.

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Comments

  • Posted on 21 August 2009
  • at 8:17pm
  • by Redstar

Every week I watch Corrie and shout out loud to my other half about all the 'poor' folk walking around up to their eyes in debt but everyone has a marvellous sun tan. Janice has always been the biggest culprit but the others are all catching up with her. The only ones with a natural skin colour are Steve and Betty. Come on you make-up artists, start applying some white slap to the faces of all these healthy faces to give it a touch of realism

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