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Big Brother's Best Bits: week six

Siavash from Big Brother escaping from a spider
  • Posted at 12:02pm
  • 17 July 2009
  • by PaulJones-RT

Best musical performance

Returning BB5 housemate Michelle Bass can actually sing, with vibrato and everything (although, to be fair, she has had five years to practise Pie Jesu). But the award has to go to Dogface, who howled her way - like her namesake - through the song, pronouncing every word phonetically. Mmmm…Jesus Pie. Sacrilicious!

Biggest girl

No, I'm not talking about Michelle - who, admittedly, has put on a few pounds since she was last in the house - but Siavash and his reaction to an arachnid infiltrating the kitchen. Despite being hairier than a spider himself, Siavash leapt up on to the worktop squealing like the maid in the Tom and Jerry cartoons.

Then, on Wednesday, Siavash tried to join the others in staging a protest on the roof (see below), only remembering half-way up that he is afraid of heights. After shrieking his way back down, he finally reached terra firma with a triumphant "Yes!" I love Siavash.

Biggest cringe

Lisa's habit of bursting into "meaningful" song in the middle of a conversation is making me cringe considerably. During one of her political rallies at the bus stop this week, she treated us to a rendition of Depeche Mode's People Are People. Not just the first line but the whole chorus. Twice. As the tumbleweed rolled by, minions Karly and Dogface looked around for help, while Charlie concentrated all his attention on his pet rubber glove. The moment seemed to last an eternity.

Best protest

The housemates want booze! They want other stuff too, like food and fags. But mostly they want booze! And if Big Brother won't give it to them, they'll stage a protest! Chuck a bath in the pool! (Surely, the one thing not affected in any way by being submerged in water is a bath?) Yeah! Climb up on the roof! All right! Cover up the cameras in the diary room! Right on! Clean the mirrors to within an inch of their lives! Let's do it! Except Big Brother doesn't negotiate with terrorists. And this lot are less dedicated to their cause than some.

"Come down from the roof or you will be removed from the house," says Big Brother. "Ah, OK," say the rebels. "Remove the T-shirt from the camera," says Big Brother. "Yes, right, sure thing," say the People's Front of Borehamwood.

Rubbish. Absolutely rubbish. The housemates just needed to show a bit of solidarity. There's no way Big Brother would have removed five of the most interesting people from the house at this stage. What's intriguing now is how BB punishes these attacks. Will the other terrorists join Dogface, Karly, Noirin and Siavash in the public vote? It seems unlikely. No, my money's on a trip to the secret Guantanamo Bay Room…

**

What are you best bits from the last seven days in the house? And who do you think should go on Friday? Post a comment below and let us know.

And don't forget to check out the rest of our Big Brother content too.

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