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The week in soapland

The week in soapland
  • Posted at 11:02am
  • 15 May 2009
  • by GarethMcLean-RT

Coronation Street

Fiz by name and bubbly by nature, is there a sweeter soul in all of Weatherfield than the selfless Miss Brown? (Emily Bishop notwithstanding, obviously.) While others bicker, whine and bemoan their lot - we mean you, Julie Carp - Fiz soldiers on with dignity, as her attempts to home-school Chesney demonstrate.

But even this paragon of stoicism has desires beyond a barm cake and pint at lunchtime, so should anyone begrudge her love? Even if that love is for teacher-turned- felon John Stape… (Some might say he did the world a favour by kidnapping Rosie Webster.) We're about to find out as, fretting over Fiz's odd behaviour, Chesney sets out to discover why she's telling him lies. Didn't they teach you (at home school), Ches, that when ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise?

Elsewhere, as Colin makes a dramatic exit, Ramsay shows no sign of departing, much to Norris's chagrin.

EastEnders

The number of times Nick Cotton has attempted to drive Dot mad/fleece her for her savings/kill her, you'd think he'd be an expert by now. Apparently not - but still he perseveres. (They say God loves a trier, but this is getting silly.)

So Nick moves his Gaslight-esque machinations up a gear, leaving his dear old ma ever more bewildered. That makes two of us, Dot. We can only hope Nick is distracted by the consequences of blackmailing the weak and unreliable Billy (see right for an idea of his usefulness), especially after Phil discovers his cousin's predicament and takes to task the conniving Cotton. And by taking to task, we mean, of course, kidnapping him and threatening violence…

Emmerdale

If you were planning to renew your wedding vows in a lavish yet understated ceremony, while worrying that your squawky daughter was falling in with the village bad boy and nursing suspicions that your perma-tanned husband was keeping secrets, would you also be planning to open a farm shop? No? That's because you're not Natasha Wylde.

And were it not enough that Natasha plans an emporium to rival that of Brenda and Bob, as well as contending with daughter Maisie's attraction to Cain and husband Mark's shiftiness, she proceeds to invite the whole village to the ceremony. Never mind renewing her vows, she's surely courting disaster.

Hollyoaks

As exams loom, Newt, Lauren, Theresa and Anita aren't the only ones under pressure. Caring for Leah and Lucas proves so tough on Mike and Sarah that Ste's offers of help suddenly seem appealing. Yes, they're so desperate they'd let a man-boy with an IQ no higher than that of a broom care for a baby.

Thus it takes only a few judicious words from Abi, who may have her own agenda, to persuade Mike to let Ste spend time with his son. Stand well back and prepare for mayhem. Or is that calamity reserved for Tony, for whom having quality time with Harry mostly involves letting the lad play with a hand grenade?

The Archers

by Alison Graham

 Ah, the new WET system at Bridge Farm. I find this very interesting, no, really I do. Any mention by Pat or Tony of "the WET system" and I am agog, all my synapses tingling with excitement. I'm sure Torrid Tom feels the same way, while his parents are muttering about drainage, biodiversity and water courses, he's dying of a broken heart.

Serves him right. Brenda has gone and Tom toils alone, tussling with his pigs and with his conscience, until he gets a chance to show his mettle when there's a crisis at Willow Cottage.

At Home Farm, Brian has an uncomfortable week in the company of Debbie's new boyfriend, Marshall. I know that Brian takes a far too prurient interest in his daughter's romantic life, but who can blame him. I can't be the only person to remember the ghastly Simon, Debbie's roast-beef obsessed Canadian husband, to whom she was married for about ten minutes. Debbie's judgement when it comes to men is wanting. Still, Jenny loves Marshall.

But then, Jenny loves everything and everyone, doesn't she?

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