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The week in soapland

Coronation Street's Colin (Edward de Souza) and friends
  • Posted at 12:02pm
  • 24 April 2009
  • by GarethMcLean-RT
  • 2 comments

EastEnders

Men - can't live with them, can't shoot them. Or so they say. The shocking way Phil's behaving - abusing Shirley, Heather, Ben, birthday boy Billy, a mute Tracey and indeed anyone in the way of his next drink - means he may well find himself in someone's crosshairs. Again. And all because he's fallen out with his mummy. Charming Tamwar and Zainab, Syed is trying to get back into his dad's good books with little success - though his progress into Janine's boudoir goes infinitely better. Strumpet. Him, not her, that is. Now where did I put that Taser?

Coronation Street

Birthday parties can be fraught affairs (see also weddings, funerals, family dinners and chance encounters in the street), so Colin's 70th should be approached with caution. And a riot shield. Alas, Rita's feeling rather reckless and has even got a new rinse in her hair for the occasion. (Belle Color's Old Boiler copper, if you're interested.) Colin's always been a bit creepy, like an overly attentive scout leader, and a revelation from Paula stuns his daughter Eileen. I assume a doggy bag is out of the question? Elsewhere, Steve and Becky start dating, on account of missing out when they were cheating on Michelle; Fiz visits John in prison again; and Ken, pining for Martha, offers to take Deirdre away. And they say romance is dead.

Emmerdale

You can't rely on anyone to disappoint you any more. Years after dramatically absconding in a sea plane, having fleeced Sadie King, Cain Dingle returns - and he's acting like he's never been away. No wonder poor Debbie's so confused, sexually and otherwise. Still, with her dad back - and no doubt mum Charity destined to reappear, perhaps from the belly of a UFO - Debbie has another ally in her fight for baby Sarah. With Victoria to manipulate and Maisie and Andy to antagonise, it's as if all the Dingles' Christmasses have come at once. Of course, it's Sarah I feel sorry for. Is it possible to have your DNA fumigated?

Hollyoaks

Music, warbled Madonna, makes the people come together. Evidently she's never been to Hollyoaks, where a stolen kiss across the DJ's decks drives Leila and Elliot further apart and the search for a singer for The Somethings causes cacophony between Rhys and Josh. Play nicely, boys! Or, y'know, don't. After ructions turn to a fracas, the disharmony is almost comparable to that between Carmel and Calvin. Though a reconciliation might be in the offing, it may be scuppered by rum doings at the Loft, doings in which another Valentine plays a pivotal role.

The Archers by Alison Graham

Now that Brenda is about to leave Ambridge, Tom is forced to consider the reality of his single, Brenda-less life. Poor Tom; his is a tale of woe on an almost Shakespearean scale, or so you would think to hear him go on, the tiresomely selfish, porcine-obsessed bore. Brenda, you have devoted a chunk of your adult life to this whiny little creep - go now, save yourself.

Elsewhere, Borsetshire's Tony Soprano, evil Chalkman, steps up his campaign to make Matt and Lilian a bit scared (come on, you don't expect either of them to swim with the fishes do you, this is Ambridge, not New Jersey). There's more bad news for Matt when he learns he's about to be thrown off the board of Borsetshire Land.

And Usha, or Smugsha, as I prefer, (was ever a woman so self-satisfied after marriage?) faces the Felpersham Marathon and her nemesis, that femme fatale Annabelle, who surely sounds as if she runs marathons in kitten heels and Tiffany diamonds while barely breaking a sweat on her dainty, Dior-powdered brow.

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Comments

  • Posted on 21 May 2009
  • at 1:34pm
  • by HelenHackworthy-RT

Hi, Linda,

We publish a soaps blog every week, and several have gone up since this one. Use this link to catch up:

www.radiotimes.com/soaps

Thanks,

Helen

  • Posted on 21 May 2009
  • at 12:48pm
  • by Linda

This archers bit is out of date - has it moved somewhere else AGAIN?

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