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Soap weddings

Katherine Kelly as Becky Granger
  • Posted at 6:35pm
  • 13 March 2009
  • by GarethMcLean-RT

An invitation to the nuptials of Coronation Street's Steve McDonald and Becky Granger was, at the very least, a summons to bedlam, even by the standards of Soapland. Were you to devise a measurement on which to gauge the inauspiciousness of soap weddings, it would range from one to ten, where one is the bride running late and ten is the groom being declared dead before the end of the reception.

The latter was the case when Rosemary Sinclair and Tom King wed in Emmerdale on Christmas Day 2006. After his almost-marriage to Charity Dingle the year before - when he jilted her at the altar, wrongly believing she was having an affair - Tom clearly thought his luck in love couldn't get worse. He was wrong.

As far as Steve and Becky were concerned, the hope had to be that at least there was no bust-up during the vows. After all, at Steve's last wedding there was an altercation at the altar between Karen, the future Mrs McDonald, and Tracy, the mother of his love-child.

And family trouble could hardly surpass Sarah and Jason's wedding day, when the bride's brother David staged his own suicide. Thank the stars that the groom hadn't been terrorising the bride for years only for her to jilt him at the altar, as Shelley jilted Charlie in 2005. (Her previous marriage was, you'll recall, to the bigamous Peter Barlow.)

Such is the inevitable mayhem on such occasions, you might argue that Soapland weddings lose their impact. But if they passed without a hitch - or with only the one they're meant to involve - they'd be judged dull indeed.

We may well look forward to the marriage of murderous Carl King and annoying Lexi, but perhaps the most anticipated union is that of Walford's Peggy and Archie Mitchell. Seeing as the last-but-one Mitchell splicing ended with Phil's bride Stella splatted atop the wedding car, I do hope you've bought a new hat. A tin one.

EastEnders

As Roxy and Peggy deal with the fall-out from the Mitchell sisters' arrest, Ronnie suffers some very public abuse and Danielle decides she's leaving Walford. Haven't we heard this before?

A schemer to shame Machiavelli, it's all go for Archie as a threat to derail his deceits appears from a completely unexpected quarter. So what will the pernicious patriarch do? There's no doubt he'll have a plan.

Lying low of late, Max gets up to his old tricks when he tries to get closer to Lauren by propositioning her case worker, Polly. Has he learnt nothing?

Coronation Street

With the Websters still unconvinced about Sophie's religious dedication, they check out the church youth group's credentials. Meanwhile, Sophie seeks mentoring from Emily with her baptism in mind.

Unless you count Gail's dress sense, there's never a dull moment chez Platt. Determined to complicate the situation, Gail offers an estranged Joe an olive branch and drives David away. Nice work.

While Tony and Luke lock horns, both at the factory and over Ladrags, Natasha sets her sights on the dour Scotsman. Might we suggest she redeploy her attentions?

Emmerdale

As Nicola and Jimmy persist in denying their feelings for one another, unlikely matchmakers Doug and Sandy resort to devious measures to bring the caustic couple together.

With the Dingles busying themselves for Debbie's release from prison, Zak finds himself in conflict with Andy over Sarah's future, and Aaron causes trouble for Edna.

Resident only for a matter of weeks and the wheels are already starting to come off the Wyldes' ideal life. As a stranger watches them from afar, there's a trauma closer to home. Might the two things be connected?

Hollyoaks

When love goes wrong, nothing goes right. Carmel is so desolate after Calvin's betrayal, she's unlikely to ask him for anything other than a divorce.

Such is the time that Ravi, Nancy and Kris spend canoodling in various permutations, illicitly and otherwise, it's a wonder they get much done. As their entanglement comes to a head, heartbreak seems inevitable - if not homicide.

Lauren is seething with jealousy over Anita's blossoming relationship with Newt, but resorting to a physical assault isn't going to win her any friends.

The Archers

As Usha steps up her training for the Felpersham marathon, there are others around Ambridge who would do well to consider what might be best in the long run. As Brenda's surreptitious role in the deal between Matt and Tom comes to light, Matt is determined to keep shtoom when questioned by the police over his dodgier dealings. Can Lilian persuade him to change his wheeling-dealing ways? Don't hold your breath.

A high-and-dry Tom rues his rejection of Brian, who wastes no time crowing at his nephew's predicament. Any chance Tom can chop Brian up and stick him in some sausages? We live in hope.

And as Oliver has a heart-to-heart with Ed over Grange Farm's future, Lynda is preoccupied with her place in history - or possibly on Anthony Gormley's fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square. Mrs Snell is a piece of work and no mistake.

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