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Paris Hilton's British Best Friend

Paris Hilton with a dog
  • Posted at 12:22pm
  • 09 February 2009
  • by AlisonGraham-RT
  • 9 comments

If you could actually hear candyfloss, I swear it would sound just like Paris Hilton. With her itty-bitty, teeny-weeny, sing-songy little voice. Paris ("businesswoman, singer, actress and brand" though, oddly, not "drunk driver and ex-con") arrived on our shores to choose her British Best Friend (Thursdays ITV2). Aren't we lucky?

Twelve thousand applied, but only 12 were chosen; 11 shrieking girlies with false eyelashes that made their faces look like bats' graveyards, and a squealing boy. "I've read her book!" twittered one as they awaited the arrival of Paris. She's written a book? Dear Lord. For her part, Paris, who is made of lollipops and sugar cubes and who walks like a pony on a high wire, was having a little farewell party at her Los Angeles mansion.

Her friend Martin Sheen was there (yes, I know, there are no words) as Paris showed us around her home, a spun-sugar nightmare of pink and plastic, accompanied by her horrible, rat-like yapping dogs. (The mutts have their own mini-mansions, by the way.) Paris was sad because she couldn't bring her pets. "I think there's, like, quarantine in London. The Queen is, like, really strict." By this point I was, like, nauseous.

The would-be best friends, or BBFs, were expected to undergo a series of tests, observed by Paris. Unfortunately, these did not include a forced march in the Brecon Beacons. No, the first arduous task was a visit to the hairdresser. The girls whimpered as their hair extensions were snipped from their heads to lie, like dead stoats, on the salon floor. There was much trauma, because this is a world where people cry about their hair.

It was by this point that I realised that Paris Hilton's British Best Friend was a buttercream-and-icing version of The Apprentice, with Paris a chocolate-coated cinder toffee model of Sir Alan Sugar.

When she had to eliminate a potential BBF, Paris sat on a throne and gave Jade, an excitable Scouser, the boot. "Jade was eliminated because she was not coping with my world." It's a hard life…

**

Alison Graham is TV editor of Radio Times magazine.

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Comments

  • Posted on 22 October 2009
  • at 4:33pm
  • by Mrs. Judith Scott from Andorra

I think Paris is a very beautiful woman, no matter from which angles you make photo of her, she is always very pretty. She reminds me of the late Lady Diana. The only reason I watch the program is for seeing her! BTW I am not a lesbian or any of that sort, I am just an old women who once was quite elegant and smart. GBU, Paris!!!!

  • Posted on 08 March 2009
  • at 8:35pm
  • by sophie

i love the show and watch it all the time!

  • Posted on 02 March 2009
  • at 5:02pm
  • by Big AL

Huh?

  • Posted on 01 March 2009
  • at 8:38pm
  • by Germ

I thankfully dodged this (pink) bullet.I've never been a fan of the vacuous Hilton after seeing her on some TV show where she and a friend were asked to do "real people" jobs.

I don't need to experience having my eyes sand-blasted to know I'll hate it...same goes for anything with this sad excuse for a person in it.

  • Posted on 24 February 2009
  • at 11:36am
  • by Kernow Keith

I really feel sorry for Paris Hilton. She hasn't experienced REAL life. What a lot she's missed. GENUINE friends. Does she not realise that REAL friends are not the ones she has to interview and the applicants are just as bad. What a pathetic life she leads.

  • Posted on 13 February 2009
  • at 11:14am
  • by Steve

My sympathies go out to Alison Graham who's job, unfortunately for her, requires that she sit through hours of this mindless drivel pumped out by shoddy 'TV' companies under the dubious banner of entertainment. Mind you with the advent of programmes like Dancing on Ice, Strictly Come Dancing and Big Brother on terrestrial channels perhaps the BBC, ITV and Channel 4 ought to look closely at their own programming.

  • Posted on 13 February 2009
  • at 11:14am
  • by Steve

My sympathies go out to Alison Graham who's job, unfortunately for her, requires that she sit through hours of this mindless drivel pumped out by shoddy 'TV' companies under the dubious banner of entertainment. Mind you with the advent of programmes like Dancing on Ice, Strictly Come Dancing and Big Brother on terrestrial channels perhaps the BBC, ITV and Channel 4 ought to look closely at their own programming.

  • Posted on 11 February 2009
  • at 9:56am
  • by MazY

I can only echo M.R's words. If there is a medal for tv watching endurance, you surely deserve it. I for one couldn't stand to watch a minute of Paris Hilton.

  • Posted on 10 February 2009
  • at 1:33am
  • by M.R.

lol, Martin Sheen? How random.

I know some people say it's an easy job Alison - having to watch TV for a living and all - but when you're forced to watch crap like this I do feel a little sympathy towards you.

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